Do they serve salted popcorn at an American Barbecue?
My dear Joy Sof or joysof, whichever you would like to be called, I forget, dear me, I cannot think of anything more un-American than salted popcorn. What is such an invention? Surely you know that popcorn is only eaten in movie theatres and while viewing football games(in particular that great pinnacle of every year in American life, the Super Bowl).

Are the fences whitewashed, Huck Finn-wise?
You can have whitewashed fences, stone walls, or no walls, but methinks the best place to hold a Great American Barbecue would be in a big park where you and all of your Uncle Herbs and Aunt Lindas and all of their children and your pretty cousin Lindsay can congregate and eat hamburgers and play football. Honestly, what is the American fascination with telling me all about their stupid family?

And what is a 'linebacker', for Christ's sake?
Oh dear, I'm afraid I don't know either. American football games confuse me. Hell, even tennis confuses me. What's with all the "Love"s and massive gains in points? Perhaps if I actually sat down and watched I'd understand. But as for linebackers I believe they are very big men who back the line - oftentimes you see football players forming a big lines facing each other in a game and then they try to tackle each other.

As for Americans thinking like that, there are some rather humorous gems in the "Editorials" section of my local newspaper, such as women in their fifties yapping about the Taliban taking away their freedom and making them pray to Mecca if it hadn't been for American troops and that crusading knight in shining armor Dubya. But most people who write into that page are rather opinionated anyway. Most people I know don't think like that.

And does anyone know why Americans don't take their dirty shoes off when going into a house?

By the way, I think Lindzi would make a rather pretty cousin to have. *incestual sigh...*