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Thread: Проверьте, пожалуйста, отрывок

  1. #1
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    Проверьте, пожалуйста, отрывок

    Вот мне на след. уроке надо будет рассказать такой вольный пересказ текста )
    Не могли бы вы проверить его с лингвистической точки зрения (времена итп) )
    Спасибо!

    Hello, I have to retell free this story at my next lesson )) Can you check this text in the view of linguistics, please? (Tenses, etc) Thanks!

    One day, one man, Dr. Oldvild came to Poirot and said that one year ago his wife died because of gastric ulcer. She had been ill for some years. She was a very well-to-do women and left him big inheritance. So it has become the reason of rumours that he has poisoned her. Hi started to notice people avoiding him and talking unfriendly with him. Also he said that in spite of the fact that he was good husband to her wife - he was in love with another woman - with his pharmacist. His business is suffering damage and he have nothing to do with these rumours, he sais he would want to propose marriage to this woman but he afraids of people would say he had got rid from his
    wife in order to marry her. So because of all these rumours he decided to turn to Poirot. So Poirot and his valet were went to this country for investigating of this case. He talked with people there - with the most inveterate gossip in the country, with postmaster, with this pharmacist, with Dr. Oldvild's made, and with others. This made had tryed, as it were unintentionally, to accuse Dr. Oldvild's pharmacist of poisoning his wife for the purpose of their marriage. Poirot has ordered to exhumation and autopsy of the body of Dr. Oldvild's wife for find out the cause of her dead and for stop the rumours. Poirot has guessed that this made had in love with Dr. Oldvild and she had formed the impression that if his wife would die he would ask to marry
    him, so she was adding to her food small doses of arsenic, but when she has died it turned out his loving of his pharmacist, but Poirot has not evidences to this. So he ordered to his valet to look after her. And in the end it turned out, that when Poirot ordered to exhumation of the body, she - driven by anger and jealousy - put to pharmacist's handbag arsenic with the purpose of her accusing, but the valet saw all of this and so turned out the true. She confessed her crime.

  2. #2
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    it's woman, not women
    Я так думаю.

  3. #3
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    Thats all? Everything else is right? I don't believe))

  4. #4
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    Re: Проверьте, пожалуйста, отрывок

    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri
    Вот мне на след. уроке надо будет рассказать такой вольный пересказ текста )
    Не могли бы вы проверить его с лингвистической точки зрения (времена итп) )
    Спасибо!

    Hello, I have to retell free this story at my next lesson )) Can you check this text in the view of linguistics, please? (Tenses, etc) Thanks!

    One day a man, Dr. Oldvild, came to Poirot and said that one year ago his wife died because of a gastric ulcer. She had been ill for some years. She was a very well-to-do woman and left him a big inheritance. For this reason a rumour has started that he murdered her.-[This is still a bit strained, but to improve it I would have to change more than a single sentence] He started to notice people avoiding him and talking with him in an unfriendly manner. Also, he said that in spite of the fact that he was a good husband to her_ - he was in love with another woman - with his pharmacist. His business is suffering damage and there is nothing he can do about these rumours, he says he would like to propose marriage to this woman but he is affraid that people would say he had got rid of his
    wife in order to marry her. So because of all these rumours he decided to turn to Poirot. So Poirot and his valet _ went to the country for investigate the case. He talked with people there - with the most inveterate gossip in the country, with the postmaster, with the pharmacist, with Dr. Oldvild's maid, and with others. This maid had tried, as it were unintentionally, to accuse Dr. Oldvild's pharmacist of poisoning his wife for the purpose of their marriage. Poirot _ ordered the exhumation and autopsy of the body of Dr. Oldvild's wife to find out the cause of her death and to stop the rumours. Poirot _ guessed that the maid had been in love with Dr. Oldvild and that she had formed the impression that if his wife died he would ask her to marry
    him, and so she had been adding small doses of arsenic to her food, but when she has died it turned out his loving of his pharmacist, but Poirot has not evidences to this. -[I don't know what this is supposed to mean] So he ordered _ his valet to look after her. And in the end it turned out, that when Poirot ordered the exhumation of the body, she - driven by anger and jealousy - put into pharmacist's handbag arsenic with the purpose of accusing her, but the valet saw all of this and so turned out the true-[I don't know what this is supposed to mean] . She confessed her crime.
    I corrected it sentence by sentence, so each line is grammatically correct that doesn't mean the whole paragraph is perfect.

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    Re: Проверьте, пожалуйста, отрывок

    Quote Originally Posted by scotcher
    I corrected it sentence by sentence, so each line is grammatically correct that doesn't mean the whole paragraph is perfect.
    Are you sure with 'affraid' and ' for investigate'?
    Russian is tough, let’s go shopping!

  6. #6
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    No, you're right. "Affraid" was a typo and I must have missed "for investigate".

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    Here are some suggested corrections and optional text in addition to what scotcher wrote:

    One day a man, Dr. Charles Oldfield, came to Detective Hercule Poirot (link)

    His business is suffering damage and there is nothing he can do about these rumours. He says he would like to propose marriage to this woman/the pharmacist . . .

    . . . went to the country to investigate the case.

    . . . with Dr. Oldfield's maid . . .

    . . . to accuse Dr. Oldfield's pharmacist . . .

    . . . in love with Dr. Oldfield . . .

    Maybe: . . . but when she died it turned out to be due to his love for his pharmacist, but Poirot did not have evidence to prove this.

    Maybe: . . . but the valet saw all of this and so revealed the truth.

  8. #8
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    Poirot found that the maid was the killer, but he couldn't prove that. The maid thought Oldfield would ask her to marry him, but it turned out, that he loved the pharmacist.
    Налево пойдёшь - коня потеряешь, направо пойдёшь - сам голову сложишь.
    Прямой путь не предлагать!

  9. #9
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    Re: Проверьте, пожалуйста, отрывок

    Hey, not bad, i got the main idea you were trying to get accross. I fixed anything that created any confusion in what you were tring to say


    One day, a man named Dr. Oldvild came to Poirot and said that one year ago his wife died because of a gastric ulcer. She had been ill for quite some time. She was a very well-to-do woman and left him a large inheritance. Because of this, rumors began to form saying that he poisened her. He started to notice that people were now avoiding him and are becoming unfriendly with him. Also, he said, that in spite of the fact that he was good husband to her, he was in love with another woman, his pharmacist. His business was now suffering and that he himself has had nothing to do with these rumors. He said that he wanted to propose marriage to this woman, but he was afraid of what people would say to him had he gotten rid of his
    wife in order to marry her.
    So, because of all these rumours, he decided to turn to Poirot. Poirot and his valet went to the country to investigate the case. He talked with some of the locals, the postmaster, the pharmacist, with Dr. Oldvild's maid, and with some other people since they had the most inveterate gossip in the country. Though maybe unintentionally, the maid accused Dr. Oldvild's of poisoning his wife to make it possible for him to marry the pharmacist. Poirot ordered an exhumation of Dr. Oldvild's wifes body to have an autopsy done to find out the cause of her death and to finally put a stop the rumours. Poirot had guessed, that this maid had fallen in love with Dr. Oldvild and that she had formed the impression that if his wife had died, he would ask her to marry
    him. Because of this, she had begun adding arsenic to the wifes food in small doses. When she died, the maid found out that he loved his pharmacist. But Poirot didn't have any evidences to support this idea. So he ordered his valet to look after the maid. So in the end, it turned out that when Poirot ordered to exhumation of the body, the maid, driven by anger and jealousy, put arsenic into pharmacist's handbag with the purpose of setting her up, but the valet saw all of this. She confessed her crime.


    I did not change any of the information given origanlly, I just rewritten anything that did not flow naturally. As most know, there are many different ways to write this paragraph, this is just one example.

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