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Thread: A Letter to my Cats

  1. #1
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    A Letter to my Cats

    Dear Cats,
    When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
    My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years -- feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
    To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

  2. #2
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    This made me hate cats.
    Вот это да, я так люблю себя. И сегодня я люблю себя, ещё больше чем вчера, а завтра я буду любить себя to ещё больше чем сегодня. Тем что происходит,я вполне доволен!

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    Because you're Dogboy.
    «И всё, что сейчас происходит внутре — тоже является частью вселенной».

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    Почтенный гражданин BabaYaga's Avatar
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    It's what makes me love them...

    I do agree, bed manufacturers should take the needs of cats into consideration, they like sleeping with their humans, so beds should be made big enough to include these humans as well - and they usually aren't.

    You get beds in size: regular, large, king size, queen size. It should have "cat size" as well.



    Nice one, Glanata
    Ой, голова у меня кружится |-P ...... and my brain hurts too....

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    What inspired you to post this here? I am perplexed.

  6. #6
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    А что это? Я вообще суть не понял. Кошки какие-то, тарелки с отпечатками лапок.
    -- Да? Коту Ваське, бл##?
    -- Нет, Я кот Васька :-/

  7. #7
    Завсегдатай Ramil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dogboy182
    This made me hate cats.
    You just can't prepare them properly. They can be quite delicious.
    Send me a PM if you need me.

  8. #8
    Почтенный гражданин BabaYaga's Avatar
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    *LOL* Ramil!


    I'm a bit bemused too as to why this - otherwise excellent - letter is in the travel and tourism section.....

    Glanata - are your cats Russian Blues, and did you want travel info on Arkhangelsk, but were too shy to ask?!


    Ой, голова у меня кружится |-P ...... and my brain hurts too....

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    My friend Google told me that within the last few days, user profiles for user "Glanata" had been created on dozens of web forums. Many of these profiles contain the same link to a buy-drugs-online site that can be found in his/her/its profile on this forum.

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    I thought I'd seen some shit on this forum, but this tops it. If I ever met whoever wrote this I'd give them a big slap.
    Ingenting kan stoppa mig
    In Post-Soviet Russia internet porn downloads YOU!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru
    My friend Google told me that within the last few days, user profiles for user "Glanata" had been created on dozens of web forums. Many of these profiles contain the same link to a buy-drugs-online site that can be found in his/her/its profile on this forum.
    EXACTLY. I noticed this before anyone replied -- if you "quote" the text, then you'll see there are hyperlinks embedded. For whatever reason, they just didn't show up in the post. So, what you all should be saying is:
    АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!
    Заранее благодарю всех за исправление ошибок в моём русском.

  12. #12
    JJ
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    Quote Originally Posted by Бармалей
    So, what you all should be saying is:
    АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!
    Жжош как ацкий сотона!
    Gib immer 100% bei der Arbeit: 12% am Montag, 23% am Dienstag, 40% am Mittwoch, 20% am Donnerstag, 5% am Freitag ...

  13. #13
    Moderator Lampada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Бармалей
    So, what you all should be saying is:
    АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!
    Жжош как ацкий сотона!
    Ну вот, глаз постепенно привыкнет к этой белиберде, потом нормальный русский назад не вернёшь.
    "...Важно, чтобы форум оставался местом, объединяющим людей, для которых интересны русский язык и культура. ..." - MasterАdmin (из переписки)



  14. #14
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    if you "quote" the text, then you'll see there are hyperlinks embedded
    How do they manage to do it?
    «И всё, что сейчас происходит внутре — тоже является частью вселенной».

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Бармалей
    For whatever reason, they just didn't show up in the post.
    They do show, actually. Point your mouse at the period after "in the slightest" in the original post.

  16. #16
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    Aaaaaah, now I understand everything.
    «И всё, что сейчас происходит внутре — тоже является частью вселенной».

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lampada
    Quote Originally Posted by JJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Бармалей
    So, what you all should be saying is:
    АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!
    Жжош как ацкий сотона!
    Ну вот, глаз постепенно привыкнет к этой белиберде, потом нормальный русский назад не вернёшь.
    My version of Lingvo translates белиберда as "frobnitz." Sounds like something from Charlie and the Chocolate Factor or Harry Potter... А что хотела, чтобы сказать Лампада? Может быть: Нуй войт, глоз пастепена прывылнеет ка етой балабарде, паттом нармалъныйй русскеййййй н4з4д ни вёрнёщъъъъъъ?
    Заранее благодарю всех за исправление ошибок в моём русском.

  18. #18
    Moderator Lampada's Avatar
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    Перестань баловаться, Бармалеюшка, а то пойдёшь в угол!
    "...Важно, чтобы форум оставался местом, объединяющим людей, для которых интересны русский язык и культура. ..." - MasterАdmin (из переписки)



  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lampada
    Перестань баловаться, Бармалеюшка, а то пойдёшь в угол!
    Пэрэштановать балаватсйовать, аховать то-о-о-о-овать пойдещщвать в уголовать? ГЛАГОЛ'ОВАТЬ'D!
    Заранее благодарю всех за исправление ошибок в моём русском.

  20. #20
    Moderator Lampada's Avatar
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    "...Важно, чтобы форум оставался местом, объединяющим людей, для которых интересны русский язык и культура. ..." - MasterАdmin (из переписки)



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