Thread: Анекдоты

Originally Posted by gRomoZeka

Подобрав ключ, Штирлиц открыл сейф и вытащил записку Мюллера. Мюллер кричал и вырывался.
(Здесь игра слов не совсем удачна, зато эта шутка была популярна у нескольких поколений детей. )))

How so? Sounds perfect to me; I've also heard this version of it: Штирлиц дал Мюллеру подписку; Мюллер взвыл от боли

Speaking of Shtirlitz jokes with sexual context... These have been my favorite ones.


Штирлиц стоял на своем... Это была любимая пытка Мюллера

Радистка Кэт села в машину и дала газу... Она тогда еще не знала что Газ работает на гестапо

(this one's slightly politically incorrect)
Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили

Originally Posted by Eric C.

Speaking of Shtirlitz jokes with sexual context... These have been my favorite ones.
Штирлиц стоял на своем... Это была любимая пытка Мюллера

Aha, that's a good reminder of the difference between пытка and попытка!

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Aha, that's a good reminder of the difference between пытка and попытка!

Попытка - не пытка. (Старая поговорка)

Originally Posted by Lampada

Попытка - не пытка. (Старая поговорка)

Can anyone explain exactly what it means? Like, "Don't ask questons, just do it" ?

Originally Posted by Valda

Can anyone explain exactly what it means? Like, "Don't ask questons, just do it" ?

Literally it's translated as "a try is not a torture", it means something like "your try can't be a torture", "no one tortures you if you try". Usually we say it to a person who thinks over "to do or not to do". Or like kinda a motto if you try to begin something and need to encourage yourself, like "no one blames me if I just try".

Originally Posted by Valda

Can anyone explain exactly what it means? Like, "Don't ask questons, just do it" ?

"It couldn't hoit," as they say in Brooklyn.

Originally Posted by Eric C.

Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

James Bond once again noticed the woman with the arrogant gaze. "She's so beautiful -- it's too bad that her friends are snobbish homosexuals," he thought.

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

голубые ели = blue spruces - Picea pungens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

absolutely right, It must be either Он увидел, как голубые ели.... or Он увидел, что голубые ели.... - and in this case it will have nothing to do with trees.. so this joke technically is not a joke because the basic grammar rule is broken here...

but another one i like: Штирлиц шёл вдоль берега, поскользнулся и упал на гальку. Галька тихо взвизгнула и убежала.

Originally Posted by alexsms

Штирлиц шёл вдоль берега, поскользнулся и упал на гальку. Галька тихо взвизгнула и убежала.

If I understand this one correctly, one could very loosely "translate" it as follows:

"Barney, have you seen Fred?" -- asked Wilma Flintstone.
"He said he was taking the children to the lake, to throw pebbles into the water." -- answered Barney.
Wilma screamed and fainted.

(The word "галька" = "pebbles" , but "Pebbles" was also the baby daughter of the cartoon character Fred Flintstone. And in Russian, "Галька" is a nickname for the feminine name "Галина".)

P.S. A similar (but quite disgusting!) joke in English:

"Let's go back to my house and blow bubbles," said Michael Jackson to the little boy.

Explanation --> "blow bubbles" normally means "пускать мыльные пузыри", but in the context of Michael Jackson, one could interpret it to mean "делать минет моему шимпанзе Баблзу". <--

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

James Bond once again noticed the woman with the arrogant gaze. "She's so beautiful -- it's too bad that her friends are snobbish homosexuals," he thought.

As far as I know, in "standard" Russian punctuation plays a more crucial role in affecting the meaning than it does in English, and that phrase could easily be turned into a grammatically flawless sentence by putting just one mark in there so it will be like, "Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел: голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили"

Also, these ones really made me laugh, even though they're a bit terrifying


Штирлиц облил кошку бензином и поджег; кошка пробежала 10 метров и упала; "Бензин кончился", подумал Штирлиц

Штирлиц шел по улице и поднял глаза... Это были голубые глаза пастора Шлага

Гестаповцы ставили машину на попа... "Бедный пастор", подумал Штирлиц

Originally Posted by Eric C.

How so? Sounds perfect to me; I've also heard this version of it: Штирлиц дал Мюллеру подписку; Мюллер взвыл от боли

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ] (the spelling also reflects such pronunciation). So this pun is not a pun for me.
How do you pronounse these words? Do you use a hard [s] in ‘писька’ or a soft [sʲ] in ‘записка’?

Originally Posted by Soft sign

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ] (the spelling also reflects such pronunciation). So this pun is not a pun for me.
How do you pronounse these words? Do you use a hard [s] in ‘писька’ or a soft [sʲ] in ‘записка’?

That's right, they are pronounced and spelled differently, that's why it's not a perfect pun. Still, the words are so close that someone could not help but create a few jokes based on it.

Originally Posted by Soft sign

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ]

Ahhhaaaaa... (now I understand the joke!).