Thread: Здесь лапы у елей дрожат на весу

Could somebody check my translation.
Thanks in advance

из спектакля "Свой остров"
from the performance of " the island "

Здесь лапы у елей дрожат на весу,
Здесь птицы щебечут тревожно.
Живешь в заколдованном диком лесу,
Откуда уйти невозможно.
Пусть черемухи сохнут бельем на ветру,
Пусть дождем опадают сирени,
Все равно я отсюда тебя заберу
Во дворец, где играют свирели.

Here paws of the fur-trees shiver on weight,
Here birds chirp restlessly.
You live in a bewitched wild wood,
From where it is impossible to leave.
Let cherry trees dry linen in the wind,
Let the lilacs fall with the rain,
All the same I will take you away from here
To a palace where pipes play.


Твой мир колдунами на тысячи лет
Укрыт от меня и от света.
И думаешь ты, что прекраснее нет,
Чем лес заколдованный этот.
Пусть на листьях не будет росы поутру,
Пусть луна с небом пасмурным в ссоре,
Все равно я отсюда тебя заберу
В светлый терем с балконом на море.

Your world with sorcerers in a thousand years
is covered from me and from light.
And you think, that it is not prettier
Than this bewitched wood.
Let there be no dew on the leaves in the morning,
Let the moon quarrel with the cloudy sky,
All the same I will take you away from here
To a shining tower with a balcony on the sea.


В какой день недели, в котором часу
Ты выйдешь ко мне осторожно?
Когда я тебя на руках унесу
Туда, где найти невозможно?
Украду, если кража тебе по душе,
Зря ли я столько сил разбазарил.
Соглашайся хотя бы на рай в шалаше,
Если терем с дворцом кто-то занял.

On what day of the week, at what hour
You will cautiously come to me?
When I will carry away you in my hands
There, where it is impossible to find?
I will steal, if theft is in your soul,
Whether for nothing I have squandered so much strength.
Agree even if paradise is in a tent,
If someone occupied терем with a palace.

http://bard.bashnet.ru/mp3/audio2/ml.mu ... 13cd06.mp3
http://bard.bashnet.ru/mp3/audio2/other ... 1/vs02.mp3

Кwatts59, ты будешь пятым. Уже есть четыре варианта рифмованного перевода. Взято на сайте: http://kulichki.com/vv/eng/songs/
Вот:

The lyrical song

Translation by Genia Gurarie

The boughs of the spruce shaking over the ground,
The birds apprehensively tweeting...
You live in a wildwood forever spellbound
From which not a pathway is leading.
Let the cherry be drying her leaves in mid air,
Let the lilac her bounty be spilling --
All the same I am going to fetch you from here
To a palace where reedpipes are trilling.

Sly shamans are keeping you under a spell
Secluded from me and from sunlight.
You fancy no land would become you so well
As this of a thousand-and-one-nights.
Let no dew on the grass of a morning appear,
Let the moon fear a cloudy commotion --
All the same I am going to fetch you from here
To a tower with a view of the ocean.

O when will you break through the tangle of charms
Right out to the spot of our meeting?
O when will I carry you off in my arms
To where not a track will be leading?
I will steal you! if stealing appeals to your heart -
Or in vain have I spent so much power?!..
Come, agree to a warm little heaven in a hut,
If there is no more palace or tower.
----------------------------------

Lyricale

Translation by Kathryn & Bruce Hamilton

Where fingers of fir-trees tremble, enthralled,
And birds trill their anxious palaver,
You live in a forest enchanted and wild
And can't get away from it ever.

Let cherry blossom dry in the wind like lace,
Let the lilacs bend low in the rain.
I'll still bear you away in my arms from this place
To halls gay with the piper's strain.

Fell witches have kept you for thousands of years
>From me and the great world's contentment,
And their spells have convinced you that nothing compares
With this magical forest's enchantment.

Let the dew in the morning not gleam on the grass,
Let the moon and the dark sky wrangle.
I'll still bear you away in my arms from this place
To a mansion with a view on the shingle.

Is there ever a time, by night or by day,
That you come to me anxious or timorous?
Come into my arms and I'll bear you away
To a place in which none shall discover us.

If it's thieving you want, I'll go gladly with thieves -
Or in vain have I tried to entice you?
If the mansion's not free, then a hut roofed with leaves
Will in paradise surely suffice you.
----------------------------------------------
Translation by Maya Jouravel

Here old redwood branches tremble in the high winds,
Here birds' chirping sounds so anxious.
You live in the wilderness spelled by a whim
From which an escape would be hopeless...
Let the bird cherry tree, like old sheets, wither down,
Let the lilac's leaves fall off like raindrops.
I will take you away from your hide-away town
To the palace with the music of reed pipes!

Your land, by the sorcerer's hidden away,
From anyone's glancing, for ages.
You fancy your forest the best place to stay -
Enchanted, inspiring, gorgeous.
Let the moon be at odds with the overcast sky,
Let the leaves have no dew at this hour.
All the same, from this wood, I will take you away
To an oceanfront fairytale tower.

Which day of the week and which glorious hour
Will you come to me from your hiding?
Then I'll carry you far away in my arms
To a place, where no one will find you.
I'll abduct you, if you would prefer it this way,
Didn't I squander my life, vain and reckless?
Please consent to the happiness under the sky,
Should there be no tower or palace.

-------------------------------------
Translation by Alec Vagapov

The birds are alarmed here, boding no good,
The fur-trees are all of a tremble.
You live in a magical mystery wood,
To leave it you are unable.

Though the cherry-trees dry their linen in space
And the lilac-trees bloom over here,
I'll take you away to the Palace,- the place
Where trumpets and pipes you will hear.

The wizards have hidden your world from man
For ages ahead, I imagine.
You think that no other thing under the sun
Is greater than this wood of magic.

Though the dew drops at day-break do not leave the trace,
Though the moon and the sky cause commotion,
I shall take you away to the tower,- the place
With a wonderful view of the ocean.

So when will it happen? What time and what day
I'll see you discreetly come out
And in my arms I shall take you away
To where you cannot be found?

I'll kidnap you if only you give your consent,
Just think of the pains I have taken!
Now to love in a cottage you'll have to assent
Once the Palace is no longer vacant.

----------------------------------------

на весу - being suspended
тревожно здесь apprehensively
Живешь в заколдованном диком лесу - You live in a forest enchanted and wild
.....

Большое спасибо!

I like this song very much.
Unfortunately, it is rather difficult to interpret.