Thread: Translation for video project

Hey guys. Long time no see.

As it's been so long since I've studied Russian, my grammar and vocabulary skills have waned.
I'm currently a filmmaking major and I have a request for anyone willing to take the time out to help me.

I've made a short film (only 2 1/2 minutes, talk about short huh?) where I play a Russian killer. It's a very simple film but I only did the cliche killer thing so I could practice my nighttime lighting.

Anywho, I'm supposed to narrate the thing in Russian so I need these sentences translated, if you would. First person to do it will get credit in the film. I can just use your username or you can give me your real name. I'll post the link to the video when it's done. Thank you so much!! I can read Cyrillic so there's no need to put pronunciation but capitalizing the letter where the accent falls would be helpful

Sentences:
I am a great hero.
Second to none. (Second to no one)
I have a small knife.
I believe short blades are more intimate.
I like to look through their things before I strike/attack.
Ah, the sweet smell.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have the urge to kill.
Look at her.
How beautiful.
Sometimes I think they enjoy it.
However, it can't last forever.

That's it guys! Thanks in advance again!!

Originally Posted by Ник

Hey guys. Long time no see.

As it's been so long since I've studied Russian, my grammar and vocabulary skills have waned.
I'm currently a filmmaking major and I have a request for anyone willing to take the time out to help me.

I've made a short film (only 2 1/2 minutes, talk about short huh?) where I play a Russian killer. It's a very simple film but I only did the cliche killer thing so I could practice my nighttime lighting.

Anywho, I'm supposed to narrate the thing in Russian so I need these sentences translated, if you would. First person to do it will get credit in the film. I can just use your username or you can give me your real name. I'll post the link to the video when it's done. Thank you so much!! I can read Cyrillic so there's no need to put pronunciation but capitalizing the letter where the accent falls would be helpful

Sentences:
I am a great hero.
Literally: Я великий герой, but it sounds silly somehow.

Second to none. (Second to no one)
Well, I can't pick the exact idiom. Maybe Я - лучший (I'm the best).

I have a small knife.
У меня есть ножик.

I believe short blades are more intimate.
Уверен, маленькие лезвия интимнее.

I like to look through their things before I strike/attack.
Мне нравится просматривать их вещи перед тем, как атаковать.
I don't quite get the meaning of this phrase. What do you mean 'look through their things'?

Ah, the sweet smell.
Ах, сладкий запах.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have the urge to kill.
Порой мне хочется избавиться от тяги к убийствам.

Look at her.
Вы посмотрите на неё!

How beautiful.
Как красиво!

Sometimes I think they enjoy it.
Порой я думаю, что им это нравится.

However, it can't last forever.
Тем не менее, это не может продолжаться вечно.

Also, providing context in which this phrases are to be said will help to pick more appropriate phrases.
Some of them just don't sound right in Russian. (I mean style, not grammar).

Ah yes, sorry. Context. Context.

I am a great hero (Silhouette of character with strong backlight as if to suggest he believes what he does is good) Velikii geroi is what I was thinking, too.
Second to none (Meaning he thinks he's the best)

I have a small knife (Stands against the wall, clutching the knife like a toy)
I believe short blades are more intimate (Close-up of knife)

I like to look through their things before I strike/attack. (Examines the woman's perfumes and lotions)
Ah, the sweet smell (Smells the lotion)
Sometimes I wish I didn't have the urge to kill (As he's turning around towards the woman's bedroom)

Look at her (Close-up of woman sleeping)
How beautiful (Referring to the sleeping woman) kak krasivaya

Sometimes I think they enjoy it (Immediately cuts to a shot of the killer's fantasy stabbing the woman in a sexually suggestive pose as if to imply that she likes being murdered)

However, it can't last forever (Back to 'real life' outside of the fantasy. Killer means that his fantasy can't last forever)

Thanks a million for the time you took responding!

These sentences as of first person in Russian really look silly a little bit. But if we turn this talk as of second person this looks not bad. Even more in this case the viewer can identify himself with the character in some way.

When you are the best,
Когда ты – лучший,
second to none.
и нет никого лучше тебя.
You take the shorter knife (razor)
Ты берешь лезвие покороче,
to be closer to your aim.
что бы быть ближе к цели.
You like to foretaste the prey's aroma.
Тебе нравится предвкушать аромат добычи.
Ah, the sweet smell.
О, как сладок этот запах.
Sometimes You wish You didn't have the urge to kill.
Иногда тебе даже не хочется убивать.
Look at her.
Посмотри на нее.
How beautiful.
Как красива!
Sometimes You think they enjoy it.
Порой тебе кажется, что они этого хотят.
However, it can't last forever.
Но это не может длиться вечно.

+100000!

I second that! The coffee cup's varian is much much better.

Thanks CoffeCup!

My only issue with that translation is that it changes the tone of the film. I'd like to tell it in first person because I want the audience to get a glimpse into the perverse mindset of this character. Having a disembodied narrator would make it seem like we SHOULD identify with the character because we assume that the narrator is someone we can relate to.

Would the use of себя be appropriate? How would that work?

Thank you again

Ok, if I catch your idea correctly.
In my version the killer character becomes a hero (the narrator is disembodied third person and refers to the audience using "you" and audience identify themselves with the character).
Your idea is to make the killer character a villain (the narrator is the killer himself and talk to audience using "I" and audience identify themselves with a witness or a possible victim).

Please take in to account that when one wish to express some idea in foreign language the grammatical structure may differs in many senses. So the English lines below is exact (literally) translation of the Russian lines while for the English version of the video you can use your original lines with the same sense.

Here is the version for the villain:

I was the best all the time,
Я всегда был лучшим,
second to none.
и никто не смог меня превзойти.
Every time I take the knife shorter (than before)
С каждым разом я беру лезвие покороче,
to come closer to my victim.
что бы подойти к жертве поближе.
I like to foretaste the prey's aroma.
Мне нравится предвкушать аромат добычи.
Ah, the sweet smell.
О, как сладок этот запах.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have the urge to kill.
Иногда я сомневаюсь в своём желании убивать.
Look at her.
Посмотри на нее.
How beautiful.
Как красива!
Sometimes I think they enjoy it.
Порой мне кажется, что они этого хотят.
However, it can't last forever.
Но это не может длиться вечно.

Thanks again guys! I've used bits and pieces from the posts to translate the film.

http://vimeo.com/7340166

I'm almost scared to post this with so many people much more adept at Russian than I!

Hope you enjoy!

Wow! That's great.

Seeing the video along with the text I realize that you have chosen the appropriate sentences. The only issue I see is the word "атаковать" I would change it to "нанести удар", however "атаковать" is also acceptable.

I've noticed only two points in pronunciation:
преВЗойти - there should be clear "В" before "З" without messing it.
хотЯт - the stress is on the last syllable.

I'm really pleased you liked it. Glad to know it was really only pronunciation that was the issue

Thanks so much for your help!

Cheers

I wouldn't have thought that a Russian was incapable of thinking in the First Person!
Nik is obviously trying for a "personal" effect here. As if we are hearing the murderer's own thoughts from his head. Not the words from a third person. Perhaps it is just not very common in Russian film and literature. I have been reading Russian horror stories and have wondered why one book in particular has a lot of Third Person in it. Perhaps this is just the Russian version of English writers trying to get inside the head of the killer.

What do you think, guys? Do you think that it could be time for Nik to create a new sensation in Russian film by using Ramil's first translation?



BTW Nik. I hate your idea of glorifying a serial killer, but I support your right to do so! I hope in the end the victim wakes up and blows a hole in his face with the gun she sleeps with under her pillow!

PS My flat-mate in St Pete's was a filmschool major!

Oh no. Not trying to glorify at all. Sometimes that's the effect film has though and I understand. I was simply trying to let the killer's voice-over express what he thinks of himself. He's obviously not a hero, he's a terrible person, he just thinks that he's great. I suppose I was trying to humanize him, but not in a sympathetic way. He walks in thinking he's tough crap but then there's even a hint of remorse with the line 'Sometimes I wish I didn't have the urge to kill'. We all have regrets too, but the killer's twisted brain prevents him from fully understanding the error of his ways.
I was actually thinking of having the girl wake up and kill the killer with a gun like that but someone at school already did a video like that, lol. What's with all the death in our videos? Hopefully the next assignment will be a comedy