Translation of a Pushkin poem

DDT, I know how much you hate poetry, so don't read any further!

I tried to translate a poem by Pushkin, and I think I did a good job. I could use some comments and suggestions though :) :oops: You guys are the best! я вас люблю!

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Кто, волны, вас остановил, Кто оковал ваш бег могучий, Кто в пруд безмолвный и дремучий Поток мятежный обратил? Чей жезл волшебный поразил Во мне надежду, скорбь и радость И душу бурную Дремотой лени усыпил? Взыграйте, ветры, взройте воды, Разрушьте гибельный оплот! Где ты, гроза - символ свободы? Промчись поверх невольных вод.

Waves, who stopped you, Who bound your powerful run, Who in the silent and dense pool turned the rebellious Stream? Whoes magical baton hit the hope, the grief and the happiness In me, And put to sleep the stormy soul by the Drowsiness of laziness? Play up, winds, dig up the waters, Destroy the disasterous stronghold! Where are you, thunderstorm, the symbol of freedom? Fly over the calm waters.

:| :thumbup: :?:

Nice poem, no?

it's a good translation, the only thing that not so good, is that it doesn't rhym. but besides that, it's ok. it's just does not sound as a poem when translated.

I almost like this one.

But if it were made to rhyme Remmy, it would no longer be Pushkins words.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Кто, волны, вас остановил, Кто оковал ваш бег могучий, Кто в пруд безмолвный и дремучий Поток мятежный обратил? Чей жезл волшебный поразил Во мне надежду, скорбь и радость И душу бурную Дремотой лени усыпил? Взыграйте, ветры, взройте воды, Разрушьте гибельный оплот! Где ты, гроза - символ свободы? Промчись поверх невольных вод.

Waves, who stopped you, Who bound your powerful run, Who in the silent pool turned the dense rebellious Stream? Whoes magical baton hit the hope, the grief and the happiness In me, And put to sleep the stormy soul by the Drowsiness of laziness? Play up, winds, dig up the waters, Destroy the disasterous stronghold! Where are you, thunderstorm, the symbol of freedom? Fly over the calm waters.

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Дремучий относится к пруду, можно перевести как заросший пруд.
Хороший построчный перевод. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Remyisme

it's a good translation, the only thing that not so good, is that it doesn't rhym. but besides that, it's ok. it's just does not sound as a poem when translated.

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You mean it has no rythm, since the original poem doesn't rhyme itself...
And making it sound like a poem, really depends how you read it :) I could make it sound like a poem!

Lampada, спасибо, иправляю оригинал!

The only thing which doesn't sound well in the trasnlation is "by the Drowsiness of laziness" (Дремотой лени), but I can't figure out how else to translate it... :| :?