Thread: Need native english speaker help

Hello,
I am Russian and I need help in finding error in my resume. If you native english speaker, and can help me, please do it. If you need some help in russian, I can help you.
My resume you can download at link below.
http://www.alexandershapovalov.com/resu ... er_1.0.doc

shapovalov,
I am a native American English speaker. I've never seen a resume with a picture or marital status in it. Here's some suggested changes:

(I want to get a position of C# developer) I am looking for a position as a C# developer in a Company, where my education, skills and experience will assist the company in its (progress) goals and where I can (realize myself) grow.

Developed a new version of SAP CRM Mobile Client

Currently working in a team of about 100 members, (was) which are engaged in the development of a new (version) CRM system version. (By inquiries of) As requested by the client wrote the requirements specification, both for myself, and for other programmers. Then under the requirements specification developed new functions. For development used Visual Studio 2003, VB.NET. (As) For database used MS SQL Server 2000. Wrote, both stored procedures, and SQL queries.

Is that what you are looking for? If so, I'll continue later.

Good luck in your job search,

Scott

Originally Posted by fortheether

I've never seen a resume with a picture or marital status in it.

At us it is usual, strangely enough... At least for women.
Actually I don't know why it is important.

Originally Posted by fortheether

shapovalov,

Is that what you are looking for? If so, I'll continue later.

Scott

yes thanks a lot, it's I need. If you can check all text in my resume, I will be happy.
if you need any help in Russian, welcom )

the string "Currently working in a team of about 100 members, (was) which are engaged in the development of a new (version) CRM system version" I have to change to "Worked in a team of about 100 members, was engaged in the development of a new ....."
because now I am unemployed
it's right?

During Soviet times, all standard job application forms included a question about one's marital status. So I guess it is a sort of a tradition...

Оля, "At us" - это не то же самое, что "у нас" . По-моему, это где-то уже обсуждалось не так давно. В данном случае лучше сказать "In our country".

Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru

Оля, "At us" - это не то же самое, что "у нас" . По-моему, это где-то уже обсуждалось не так давно.

А я не всё читаю. :P И обсуждалось небось по-английски. :P

Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru

During Soviet times, all standard job application forms included a question about one's marital status. So I guess it is a sort of a tradition...

Оля, "At us" - это не то же самое, что "у нас" . По-моему, это где-то уже обсуждалось не так давно. В данном случае лучше сказать "In our country".

А ещё надо было писать, что "в плену не был", "родственников за границей не имею".

A side note: In the US it is illegal for potential employers to ask your age or your marital/family status. They can ask if you are over 18. You can leave the information on your resume if you like.

OBJECTIVES:

I am seeking a position as a C# developer in a Company, where my education, skills and experience will assist the company in its progress and where I can realize myself.

(seeking is a good word for objectives)

Siemens IT Solutions and Services Munich, Germany; Voronezh, Russia

Position:
Developer (full-time)

Responsibilities:
 Developed new version SAP CRM Mobile Client;
 Fixed bugs in Mobile Client;
 Wrote documentation;
 Wrote requirements specification;
 Support and consulting;
(this is ok the way it is, but present tense is better: developing new ..., fixing bugs ..., writing ... etc.)

Working in a team about 100 members, was engaged in development of a new version of the CRM system. By request of the client wrote the requirements specification, both for myself and for other programmers. Under the requirements specification developed new functions. Used Visual Studio 2003 and VB.NET for development. Used MS SQL Server 2000. Wrote both stored procedures and SQL queries.
(Normally in English style you should not begin a sentence with a conjunction like "then". Subtracted some commas which look bad in English)

Freelance in companies IT SPOT, EBS

Position:
Developer (remote job)

Responsibilities:
 Developed web based CRM system (ASP.NET);
 Fixed bugs for internet shop(ASP.NET);

Developed CRM system for an insurance American company . The team consisted of 2 programmers and a manager. Duties included creation of web pages under requirements of the customer. As the programming language used C#. Database: MS SQL Server 2000.
For the Moscow company, fixed bugs in the Internet-shop (maybe E-Commerce site?? Use that if it is for a website where people buy things)), created email subscription. Development language: VB.NET.
(fixed some articles and sentence order and some other things. It might look better in a different format--

Duties: creation of webpages as directed by customer
Programming language: C#
Database: MS SQL etc., etc.)

Position:
Programmer (full-time)

Responsibilities:
 Developed 2D computer games;

Main programmer in a five person team developing computer games. Developed one large and several small games. As language used C++. For drawing graphics: DirectX. Supervised work of the designers creating images for the games. (In a resume in some cases you can leave out articles. There is no good way to explain when you HAVE TO use them and when you can leave them out.)

Ditsoft

Position:
Developer

Responsibilities:
 Developed shareware software

Worked as the main programmer in the company. The team consisted of 2 persons. Duties were development of small utilities for Windows. For development used C++ and MFC.
(only one small change)

English language training courses
German language training courses
(no articles in front of languages normally)

Everything else looks fine except "Hobbies" and not "Hobby"

Really it wasn't terrible as it was. Just looks like someone who isn't an expert at English.

shapovalov,

More suggestions. Remove words between ().

Duties included (creation) creating web pages (under) following the requirements of the customer.

For the Moscow company, fixed bugs in the Internet-shop, (has) created email subscription.

(Working) Worked as the main programmer in a team (from 5 person) of five, developed computer games.

Supervised over work of the designers that created the images for the game.

Worked as the main programmer in the own company. I'm not clear on what you mean in the prior sentence. Is this it? Worked as the only programmer in the company.

The team consisted of (2 persons) two people.


Skating, swimming, (photographing) photography, travel

shapovalov - yes you can help me. Please create a topic in this forum "Computer terms" and put in it computer terms in Russian/English. I also work in IT so this would help me.

Thank you,

Scott

Originally Posted by shapovalov

Originally Posted by fortheether

shapovalov,

Is that what you are looking for? If so, I'll continue later.

Scott

yes thanks a lot, it's I need. If you can check all text in my resume, I will be happy.
if you need any help in Russian, welcom )

the string "Currently working in a team of about 100 members, (was) which are engaged in the development of a new (version) CRM system version" I have to change to "Worked in a team of about 100 members, was engaged in the development of a new ....."
because now I am unemployed
it's right?

Right.

Here are a couple of suggestiongs. Don't shoot me if I am wrong.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Duties included (creation) creating web pages (under) following the requirements of the customer.

Duties included creating web pages according to customer requirements.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Supervised over work of the designers that created the images for the game.

Supervised over the work of the image designers of the game.

Originally Posted by shadow1

Here are a couple of suggestiongs. Don't shoot me if I am wrong.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Duties included (creation) creating web pages (under) following the requirements of the customer.

Duties included creating web pages according to customer requirements.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Supervised over work of the designers that created the images for the game.

Supervised over the work of the image designers of the game.

"Supervised over" is redundant. Should definitely be "Supervised the work . . ."

Originally Posted by shadow1

Here are a couple of suggestiongs. Don't shoot me if I am wrong.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Duties included (creation) creating web pages (under) following the requirements of the customer.

Duties included creating web pages according to customer requirements.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Supervised over work of the designers that created the images for the game.

Supervised over the work of the image designers of the game.

No shooting required, your suggestions are very good.

Originally Posted by paulb

Originally Posted by shadow1

Here are a couple of suggestiongs. Don't shoot me if I am wrong.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Duties included (creation) creating web pages (under) following the requirements of the customer.

Duties included creating web pages according to customer requirements.

Originally Posted by fortheether

Supervised over work of the designers that created the images for the game.

Supervised over the work of the image designers of the game.

"Supervised over" is redundant. Should definitely be "Supervised the work . . ."

Good point.

designing web pages per customer specifications

supervised the work of graphic artists

Thanks a lot for you help.

Originally Posted by shapovalov

Thanks a lot for you help.

It should be "for YOUR help."

Also, as a side note...we were taught in school that we should always avoid the phrase "a lot". Of course, most people use this phrase at lot. But it is considered colloquial and should be avoided in written English.

I am probably too late to help Shapovalov, but:

the string "Currently working in a team of about 100 members, (was) which are engaged in the development of a new (version) CRM system version" I have to change to "Worked in a team of about 100 members, was engaged in the development of a new ....."
because now I am unemployed
it's right?

Two points here:

First, which are engaged should be who are engaged. which is used for things, and who for people, ie members.

Second, to strengthen your English writing style quickly, avoid using a passive voice. In other words, try not to use the verb "to be" very much. For example, "Working in a team of about 100 members, I helped develop a new....." You appear more active (a good thing in a resume!) than "was engaged in the development of..." Russian does this automatically in the present tense, by just deleting the verb "to be" in most situations! Dodge "to be" in English, too, if you can! Use active verbs whenever possible.