Thread: need to ask a foreign exchange student a question

Oh BTW, here is a dilemma that I have regarding ты и вы

Every Thursday I volunteer at the local hospital, and there is this Russian nurse. She is probably around 35-38, about 10 years older than me. Speaking Russian to her, I say вы but she says ты to me. I am confused if this is because she sees me as an equal or if she is treating me as young...

So without actually asking her if I can say ты, should I keep on saying вы or do you think that her ты-ing me allows me to ты her?

I would say that there's an opening for you to ты her since she seems to prefer ты to вы, at leat with you. The question is, does she ты all younger people or just you? I think after a while, since you see her once a week, try to ты her a few times during a conversation and see how she responds.

Well, it is hard to know what she does to other people, since there are no other Russians or Russian speakers around. I just don't want to offend her or anything, even if she doesn't say or show a reaction...

Try to ты her once and apologize right away, she might then ask you why or tell you it's no problem. But if you decided to ты her, do not make it sound to informal but still with a formal speaking. Hope it makes sense.

kalinka_vinnie, you can ask her openly "можно я буду с вами на ты?" or like Spiderkat said, call her ты once and ask right away "ничего что я с тобой на ты?".

Originally Posted by net surfer

kalinka_vinnie, you can ask her openly "можно я буду с вами на ты?" or like Spiderkat said, call her ты once and ask right away "ничего что я с тобой на ты?".

Absolutely not! Normally a person who wants to be addressed "на ты" would initiate the conversation about the change. Ты можешь быть со мной "на ты", я не намного старше тебя. Asking somebody Можно я буду с вами на ты?, could create quite an awkwardness for the other person. Keep in mind, that your choice ты or вы addressing a person would most often imply completely different relationship.

Since she started calling him ты, I think it's OK to ask.
Besides I think if you've been working/talking to a person for pretty long time and you feel you're equal, you can offer to switch to ты and it'll be OK.

Originally Posted by net surfer

Since she started calling him ты, I think it's OK to ask.
Besides I think if you've been working/talking to a person for pretty long time and you feel you're equal, you can offer to switch to ты and it'll be OK.

It was fine for her to address him на "ты" and accept the fact that he addresses her на "вы". Their relationship is established for now and any change in addressing will change it.

Yeah, I think I will stick to the вы until she tells me otherwise. I hear that is the best way to converse with Russians as a foreigner.

Originally Posted by Lampada

Originally Posted by net surfer

Since she started calling him ты, I think it's OK to ask.
Besides I think if you've been working/talking to a person for pretty long time and you feel you're equal, you can offer to switch to ты and it'll be OK.

It was fine for her to address him на "ты" and accept the fact that he addresses her на "вы". Their relationship is established for now and any change in addressing will change it.

It was fine for her, huh? What about him? Or she doesn't care?
In the first place, he's not that older than her and he's not that young so it's adult-kid relation and it's supposed to call him ты and her вы. In the second place, since she started calling him ты, she should have been ready to be called ты as well. If not, she's just an "uppity snob".
You know the rule - treat people the way you want to be treated by them.

Originally Posted by net surfer

It was fine for her, huh? What about him? Or she doesn't care?
In the first place, he's not that older than her and he's not that young so it's adult-kid relation and it's supposed to call him ты and her вы. In the second place, since she started calling him ты, she should have been ready to be called ты as well. If not, she's just an "uppity snob".
You know the rule - treat people the way you want to be treated by them.

So according to what you wrote he's still a kid even if he's 25-28. It's an adult-adult relation but with a different status and age. You probably don't know enough about how, when and where to use ты and вы since you think she's probably an "uppity snob".

Originally Posted by net surfer

It was fine for her, huh? What about him? Or she doesn't care?
In the first place, he's not that older than her and he's not that young so it's adult-kid relation and it's supposed to call him ты and her вы. In the second place, since she started calling him ты, she should have been ready to be called ты as well. If not, she's just an "uppity snob".
You know the rule - treat people the way you want to be treated by them.

Your indignation just proves the point that it is a touchy subject.
As I see it, her addressing him на "ты" shows that she felt that their relationship would be warmer and friendlier than simply working one. Him addressing her на "вы" just allows for some distance.

Off of the ты/вы subject for a moment...

Here's how you should say it:

would you like to see a movie with me later

Seriously, she came to an English-speaking country to learn English, most likely. Speak English to her as much as you can! I'm planning on being a foreign exchange student to France next year, and it'd be unimaginably bad if people were all trying to speak English to me there. So anyway...don't try Russian unless she absolutely can't understand your English.

Originally Posted by umanwizard

Seriously, she came to an English-speaking country to learn English, most likely. Speak English to her as much as you can! I'm planning on being a foreign exchange student to France next year, and it'd be unimaginably bad if people were all trying to speak English to me there. So anyway...don't try Russian unless she absolutely can't understand your English.

Oh, come on! Not to worry: surely she has more than enough English around her.

Maybe so, but then you also have to consider that she can probably understand his native-perfect English better than his broken interpretation of a transliteration of a russian sentence (which may or may not be correct, cf. the ты/вы issue) which he found on some message board.

Also, I've heard that Russians are highly offended by butchery of their language... is this true?

Originally Posted by umanwizard

Maybe so, but then you also have to consider that she can probably understand his native-perfect English better than his broken interpretation of a transliteration of a russian sentence (which may or may not be correct, cf. the ты/вы issue) which he found on some message board.

Also, I've heard that Russians are highly offended by butchery of their language... is this true?

Adsolutely not! "Highly offended" does not apply. The opposite is true.

Originally Posted by Spiderkat

You probably don't know enough about how, when and where to use ты and вы since you think she's probably an "uppity snob".

Read my post again, maybe twice or how many times do you need to understand. It was a conditional sentence.

Originally Posted by Lampada

As I see it, her addressing him на "ты" shows that she felt that their relationship would be warmer and friendlier than simply working one. Him addressing her на "вы" just allows for some distance.

How'd you know that? Even kalinka_vinnie himself was confused. Actually if she felt that their relationship would be warmer and friendlier than simply working one, she would have told him to switch to ты after he called her вы.

Originally Posted by net surfer

How'd you know that? Even kalinka_vinnie himself was confused. Actually if she felt that their relationship would be warmer and friendlier than simply working one, she would have told him to switch to ты after he called her вы.

Wouldn't "as I see it" qualify as IMO? In any way, "ты - вы" issue is more than age difference and respect, as I said, it's also about a distance. "Ты - ты" is a "buddy - buddy" relationship.

Originally Posted by net surfer

Read my post again, maybe twice or how many times do you need to understand. It was a conditional sentence.
...

Sorry, but still can't see it. You probably meant here "if not, she would just be an uppily snob".

Just to clarify, it is not like we have hour long converstations. Like today we didn't even speak to each other, since it was so busy. Just short how are you doing, etc.