@delog
I once had the same problem as you with English, when I was a teenager, still in school. Even though I knew English and had used it briefly on holidays I did not want to speak English with native speakers (there were many at my school). I avoided them. I felt embarrassed because I thought that my pronounciation was bad and that I was making grammatical mistakes.

Then, my father moved to Singapore. I went there for a few school holidays. The main language spoken there is a kind of "street English", called "Singlish". Somehow it was not emparassing to speak English with the Singaporeans. After I had started speaking with people I realised that it was not so bad. I realised that I was able to say anything I wanted and that a few mistakes didn't matter. After that I felt ok to speak English with native English speakers.

Perhaps the trouble for you is that you have no opportunity to practice with native English speakers. I don't know how to solve that. Does anyone have ideas on how to get training for those who rarely meet native English speakers?

Personally I think it's unfair that the language of one particular country (countries) should be the "world language" and everyone else should have to make the effort to learn that language.

I would prefer if the world language was a neutral language instead; something that was everyones and no-ones at the same time, and easier to learn than English. Esperanto for example. I know it's never going to happen, but I think it's a nice idea. And the dominance of one language also means that its' culture, values and politics of the English speaking countries get spread. Everyone knows what's going on in the USA; but people know a lot less about many other large countries. People across the world watch channels like CNN which presents a US/Anglo world view.

About my own English now..... Well, it's definitely good enough for my needs: I write reports, proposals and business letters, hold presentations and chair meetings. I have other problems in my career but my English is not one of them.

If I ever wanted to write a book or write poetry, I wouldn't do it in English though. I would write it in Swedish.

I would really want to be able to speak Russian (and also German) but I do not think I could reach a standard that was good enough for business.... within the next 10 years, if ever!