Once upon a time there was a man who had loved to go into fights. This was very bad for his health, however.

My version:
One day he was in the bar talking to a sexy girl who happenned to have a boyfriend. That boyfriend of hers had attacked him by punching his ugly face shattering his nose instantly. He had to go to a hospital for many months to recover.

Original:
One day he was in the bar and he was talking to a sexy girl but the girl had a boyfriend and the boyfriend (had?)attacked him and punched his ugly face. His nose was shattering instantly and to him it was necessary to go to hospital for many months for that, in order to recover.

How is that?