# Forum About Russia Travel and Tourism  A Letter to my Cats

## glanata

Dear Cats, 
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years -- feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

----------


## Dogboy182

This made me hate cats.

----------


## Rtyom

Because you're Dogboy.

----------


## BabaYaga

It's what makes me love them...   ::   
I do agree, bed manufacturers should take the needs of cats into consideration, they like sleeping with their humans, so beds should be made big enough to include these humans as well - and they usually aren't. 
You get beds in size: regular, large, king size, queen size. It should have "cat size" as well.   
Nice one, Glanata   ::

----------


## basurero

What inspired you to post this here?　I am perplexed.

----------


## Vincent Tailors

А что это? Я вообще суть не понял. Кошки какие-то, тарелки с отпечатками лапок.

----------


## Ramil

> This made me hate cats.

 You just can't prepare them properly. They can be quite delicious.  ::

----------


## BabaYaga

*LOL* Ramil!    ::   ::   ::    
I'm a bit bemused too as to why this - otherwise excellent - letter is in the travel and tourism section..... 
Glanata - are your cats Russian Blues, and did you want travel info on Arkhangelsk, but were too shy to ask?!    ::

----------


## translationsnmru

My friend Google told me that within the last few days, user profiles for user "Glanata" had been created on dozens of web forums. Many of these profiles contain the same link to a buy-drugs-online site that can be found in his/her/its profile  on _this_ forum.

----------


## TATY

I thought I'd seen some shit on this forum, but this tops it. If I ever met whoever wrote this I'd give them a big slap.

----------


## Бармалей

> My friend Google told me that within the last few days, user profiles for user "Glanata" had been created on dozens of web forums. Many of these profiles contain the same link to a buy-drugs-online site that can be found in his/her/its profile  on _this_ forum.

 EXACTLY. I noticed this before anyone replied -- if you "quote" the text, then you'll see there are hyperlinks embedded. For whatever reason, they just didn't show up in the post. So, what you all should be saying is:
АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!

----------


## JJ

> So, what you all should be saying is:
> АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!

 Жжош как ацкий сотона!  ::

----------


## Lampada

> Originally Posted by Бармалей   So, what you all should be saying is:
> АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!   Жжош как ацкий сотона!

 Ну вот, глаз постепенно привыкнет к этой белиберде, потом нормальный русский назад не вернёшь.    ::

----------


## Rtyom

> if you "quote" the text, then you'll see there are hyperlinks embedded

 How do they manage to do it?

----------


## translationsnmru

> For whatever reason, they just didn't show up in the post.

 They do show, actually. Point your mouse at the period after "in the slightest" in the original post.

----------


## Rtyom

Aaaaaah, now I understand everything.

----------


## Бармалей

> Originally Posted by JJ        Originally Posted by Бармалей   So, what you all should be saying is:
> АФФТАР--УБЕЙ СЕБЙА АПСТЕНУ КОТОМ!   Жжош как ацкий сотона!    Ну вот, глаз постепенно привыкнет к этой белиберде, потом нормальный русский назад не вернёшь.

 My version of Lingvo translates белиберда as "frobnitz." Sounds like something from Charlie and the Chocolate Factor or Harry Potter...  ::  А что хотела, чтобы сказать Лампада? Может быть: Нуй войт, глоз пастепена прывылнеет ка етой балабарде, паттом нармалъныйй русскеййййй н4з4д ни вёрнёщъъъъъъ?

----------


## Lampada

Перестань баловаться, Бармалеюшка, а то пойдёшь в угол!   ::

----------


## Бармалей

> Перестань баловаться, Бармалеюшка, а то пойдёшь в угол!

 Пэрэштановать балаватсйовать, аховать то-о-о-о-овать пойдещщвать в уголовать? ГЛАГОЛ'ОВАТЬ'D!

----------


## Lampada

::

----------


## Ramil

Нашел классный смайлик на этот случай:

----------


## Бармалей

They unlocked this topic again? Why? So I could torment Lampada?

----------


## Lampada

> They unlocked this topic again? Why? So I could torment Lampada?

   ::   Аа, так ты пытался меня изводить, а я думала, что ты со мной заигрывал.   ::

----------

