Как будет по-русски "No sh*t, Sherlock"?

The phrase itself is a rudely sarcastic (and also vulgar) reply to any self-evidently obvious statement or suggestion or prediction. As a mixed-language example of usage, here's a passage from chapter 29 of Мастер и Маргарита, after Woland and St. Matthew have agreed that the Master "has earned peace, but not the light":

"[Иешуа] просит, чтобы ту, которая любила и страдала из-за [Мастера], вы с собою взяли бы тоже" -- в первый раз моляще обратился Левий к Воланду.

"Без тебя бы мы никак не догадались об этом. No shit, Sherlock." -- ответил Воланд.

To avoid vulgarity, you could instead say "Thank you, Captain Obvious!" or, very laconically, "Duh!" -- they all mean the same thing.

Anyway, I'm not looking for a vulgar equivalent in Russian -- just something that's colorful and colloquial.

And, incidentally, we also say "Is the Pope Catholic?" and/or "Do bears shit in the woods?", but these are in response to questions with a very obvious "Yes" answer, not statements or predictions:

JOHN: "Do you think that Supreme Court Justice Scalia will vote against same-sex marriage?"
MIKE: "Do bears shit in the woods?"

JOHN: "I expect that Justice Scalia will vote against same-sex marriage."
MIKE: "Duh!"

"Да/И не говори!" (literally "you don't say")
"Да что ты говоришь!" ("what are you saying?")
"Кто бы мог подумать!" ("who can understand (this)?")
However these phrases can express not only sarcasm. Exclamation sign marks them as sarcastic or strong (astonishment). True meaning is implied by context.

"Ну о чём речь"
"Базара нет"
"Я так и сделаю"
I'm afraid sarcasm should be conveyed with intonation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maxmixiv

"Ну о чём речь"
"Базара нет"
"Я так и сделаю"
I'm afraid sarcasm should be conveyed with intonation.

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I think these examples are out of context. Sarcasm can be applied to everything.
In contrast, isolated sentence "Кто бы мог подумать!" is used in sarcastic manner very often (just like "No shit, Sherlock").

"Без тебя бы мы не догадались" в приведённом контексте подходит лучше всего.
Если нужен полный список, то после одной рекламы пива популярна фраза "А мужики-то не знают!".

It's impossible to answer with "Кто бы мог подумать!" to "[Иешуа] просит"
It's only good reply to phrases like "А моя собака и орехи кушает!"

Что вы говорите? - in Odessa accent.

Само собой. - goes without saying

Как два пальца... - contraction of Как два пальца обо..ть - rude. Meaning it happens easily. I can easily do it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

JOHN: "Do you think that Supreme Court Justice Scalia will vote against same-sex marriage?"
MIKE: "Do bears shit in the woods?"

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Well, like I said -- bears shit in the woods, the Pope is Catholic, and the sun rises in the east:

Quote:

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WASHINGTON — In a long-sought victory for the gay rights movement, the Supreme Court ruled by a 5-to-4 vote on Friday that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage.
[...]
In a second dissent, Justice Antonin Scalia mocked the soaring language of Justice Kennedy, who has become the nation’s most important judicial champion of gay rights.

“The opinion is couched in a style that is as pretentious as its content is egotistic,” Justice Scalia wrote of his colleague’s work.

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Actually, I more or less agree with Scalia in an abstract legal sense -- I don't think there is a Constitutional right to same-sex marriage -- although I obviously disagree with his homophobic tendencies.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

And, incidentally, we also say "Is the Pope Catholic?" and/or "Do bears shit in the woods?", but these are in response to questions with a very obvious "Yes" answer, not statements or predictions:

JOHN: "Do you think that Supreme Court Justice Scalia will vote against same-sex marriage?"
MIKE: "Do bears shit in the woods?"

JOHN: "I expect that Justice Scalia will vote against same-sex marriage."
MIKE: "Duh!"

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This might just explain the attitude towards same sex couples in Russia - well, if you ask there, "is bear sh*t in the woods", you might not expect the duhing silence, but rather "what, it's in the streets man!", meaning not everything you normally expect to be obvious is that obvious in certain areas. =))