Need Corrections and Advice - Updated
My turn to ask for help :)
Below is my translation that I made for someone. Just to give you some idea, it will be located on the front page of a Web site belonging to a Russian company.
I realize that the text is huge and it is too much to ask from anyone to make a complete review of it single-handedly, but if someone just read it through and pointed out most conspicuous or blatant errors (or repeated errors), places that don't make sense or jar your ear badly, I'd appreciate it very much.
American business people being the target public, the text should not contain expressions that sound typically British. So if you spot any, point them out too. Thanks :)
Here is the text itself:
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Our Goals
To attract investments into Russia's high-technology areas;
To create an online meeting point of supply and demand for science-intensive inventions;
To develop methods of evaluation of science-intensive projects;
To develop and perfect mechanisms of financing innovative projects and various methods of getting these projects on the market;
To encourage scientists, inventors, and engineers to work more actively;
To provide assistance to scientific groups in getting their products on the international market;
To create a favorable public opinion of Russia’s innovation potential;
How to Become a Participant
Add your project to the “Hi-Tech” database and it will be accessible to thousands of foreign investors.
Any Russian scientific team, research institute, organization or individual, without any limitations (such as age, gender etc), who is an author or creator of an invention, idea, project, information or owns a patent, can participate in our project. The invention database contains high-technology, science-intensive ideas and projects. Preference is given to implemented, completed projects or inventions, although non-implemented projects or ideas as such are definitely of interest as well. To become a participant, you need to fill in an application in the format provided on our site, after which the information about your project will be included in the “Hi-Tech” database.
“Hi-Tech” Database
“Hi-Tech” database is a database of high-technology inventions created by Russian organizations and individuals. The database contains brief, standardized information about projects worked upon by Russian enterprises, companies and individuals seeking to attract the attention of Russian and foreign inventors.
Information on each project includes a description of the main parameters of each invention and general information about the developing company.
The design of the database allows users to enter and edit their own information, but the founders of this project reserve the right to allow or disallow publication of the information depending on whether or not it is relevant to the purpose of our Web site.
The database is supported by Inventors.Ru Inc. and is hosted on servers belonging to this company, but the information contained in the database is not the property of this company.
Finding Investors
We provide potential investors with the possibility to browse the "Hi-Tech" database or search for investment projects matching specified parameters.
The most promising projects can be offered to investors directly. Our company has connections with many Western (primarily American) economical institutions, including stock exchanges, entrepreneur associations, chambers of commerce, and venture funds.
Placing links to the "Hi-Tech" database on Web sites that belong to such institutions will be one of the ways of exposing our site to foreign investors.
Our Web site is bilingual and is located on an international dot-com domain. Investors will be able to access it from most popular English-language business directories and search engines.
This site's support includes public events whose purpose is to inform potential investors and attract their attention to the site. All participants intend to make promotion of this project a part of their presentations and their publications such as newsletters, press releases and media publications.
All potential investors have free access to the database; they have the possibility to select projects by specified parameters as well as the option to receive automated mailings containing information about new projects matching specified parameters.
On our Web site investors can also find a selection of analytical materials dealing with investments.
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Edit: any other opinions about "science-intensive"?
Re: Need Corrections and Advice
I rushed this. Others may do a better job, but it might help..
Quote:
Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru
Our Goals
To attract investments into Russia's high-technology areas;
To create an online meeting point of supply and demand for science-intensive inventions;
To develop methods of evaluation of science-intensive projects;
That sounds wrong. As usual with this technical stuff, it's difficult to suggest a good alternative; maybe : 'science-heavy projects'? Depends on exactly what you mean, and it's still hard anyway.
Quote:
To develop and perfect mechanisms of financing innovational projects and
Only a suggestion, but is 'innovative' better here? There are probably other possibilities, but I'm rushing ...
Quote:
various methods of getting these projects on the market;
To encourage scientists, inventors, and engineers to work more actively;
To provide assistance to scientific groups in getting their products on the international market;
To create a favorable public opinion on Russia’s innovation potential;
OF rather than ON
Quote:
How to Become a Participant
Add your project to the “Hi-Tech” database and it will be accessible for thousands of foreign investors.
i prefer accessible TO but conceivably it's arguable
Quote:
Any Russian scientific team, research institute, organization or individual, without any limitations (such as age, gender etc), who is an author or creator of an invention, idea, project, information or owns a patent, can participate in our project. The invention database contains high-technology, science-intensive ideas and projects. Preference is given to implemented, completed projects or inventions, although non-implemented projects or ideas as such are definitely of interest as well. To become a participant, you need to fill an application in the format
fill in or fill out - fill an application form sounds wrong to me
Quote:
provided on our site, after which information about your project will be included in the “Hi-Tech” database.
after which THE information ..
Quote:
“Hi-Tech” Database
“Hi-Tech” database is a database of high-technology inventions created by Russian organizations and individuals. The database contains brief, standardized information about projects worked upon by Russian enterprises, companies and individuals seeking to attract attention if Russian and foreign inventors.
seeking to attract THE attention OF .. might be a typo there
Quote:
Information on each projects includes a description of main parameters of
Information on EACH PROJECT or EACH OF THE PROJECTS includes a description of THE main parameters
Quote:
each invention and general information about the developing company.
Design of the database allows users to enter and edit their own
THE design of the database..
Quote:
information, but founders of this project reserve the right to allow or
but THE founders
Quote:
disallow publication of the information depending on whether or not it is relevant to the purpose of our Web site.
The database is supported by Inventors.Ru Inc. company and is located on servers belonging to this company, but the information contained in the database is not a property of this company.
Not THE property of..
Quote:
Finding Investors
We provide potential investors with a possibility to browse the "Hi-Tech"
I would prefer 'the possibility'
Quote:
database or search for investment projects matching specified parameters.
The most promising projects can be offered to investors directly. Our company has connections with many Western (primarily American) economical institutions, including stock exchanges, entrepreneur associations, chambers of commerce, and venture funds.
Placing links to the "Hi-Tech" database on Web sites that belong to such institutions will be one of the ways of exposing our site to foreign investors.
Our Web site is bilingual and is located in an international dot-com domain. Investors will be able to access it from most popular English-language business directories and search engines.
This site's support is accompanied by a number of public events whose purpose is to inform potential investors and attract their attention to the site.
I don't really understand the use of 'accompanied' there. Perhaps 'is further enhanced by..'? But I'm just guessing.
Quote:
All participants intend to make promotion of this project a part of their presentations and their publications such as newsletters, press releases and media publications.
All potential investors have open/free access to the database; they have an option to select projects by specified parameters as well as to receive automated mailings containing information about new projects matching specified parameters.
On our Web site investors can also find a selection of analytical materials dealing with investments .
Lose the space before the full stop ...? :wink: