Against all the advice I've ever had (and contrary to what I've done every other time I've visited), I decided that this time, I was going to apply for the correct visa (a visitor/ private visa), and go through all the proper channels. Just to satisfy my curiosity, mainly, this time I was going to be completely, 100% legal.
So, I sent off all the required information to tyosha along with a photocopy of my passport, and waited. She was to visit OVIR to be given a form to fill in and take to the police, who would then check that everything was above board (more forms and questionnaires) before stamping that form so that she could return to OVIR and they'd issue my invitation, which would be sent to me so that I could present it at the Russian consulate and aquire my visa.
At least, that was the theory.
What actually happened was that after visiting OVIR the first time (and queuing for 5 hours) to receive the forms, then visiting the police station, she was informed that, in order to satisfy the criteria for a visa invitation, she'd be required to supply documentary evidence that (among other things) she could financially afford to support me for the fortnight duration of my stay, and that this would have to take the form of three months' bank statements and proof of adequate income!
Well considering that a) she has never had a bank account in her life (presumably in common with many Russians her age), and b) as a pensioner, the vast majority of her income is sent to her from Blighty by her daughter, my wife, as unnofficial gifts, it was pretty obvious that she was never going to be able to fulfill these criteria, and the police told her as much.
They were, however, good enough to suggest that I ignore the letter of the law and find myself a dodgy visa broker to arrange a tourist invite for me (then cross my fingers when I go to get it registered)!
Great.
So, that's what I'll have to do (again). Pay some fly-by-night 'travel' company to arrange an invite for a non-existant tour, just so that I can self-fund a visit to my in-laws.
To be honest, I'm more amused than annoyed. The police are suggesting that I break the law, and system leaves me no alternative anyway! Yay! At least now I know that everyone who told me this would happen was right.
Bureaucracy rulez!