Двухязычный анекдот "своей придумки" (A bilingual joke that I made up)

Okay, first: What's the best way to ask "Does it work in translation?" -- maybe Как получится в русском переводе?, or something like that?

Anyway, here's my joke -- first in English (except for the "set-up" to the "punchline") and then in Russian (except for the English "punchline"). I wasn't sure how to translate the "techno-babble" about the "bionic arm," but I did my best...

An elite team of Russian doctors and scientists is attending an international forum at CalTech about the latest research in micro-surgery and bio-electronic interfaces. As a demonstration, the researchers at CalTech are working with a volunteer amputee -- a US Marine who lost his right arm up to the shoulder to an IED in Afghanistan. The surgeons have given him a "bionic" arm à la Luke Skywalker, and the dude is showing everyone how he can control the prosthetic arm and make it move: Zzzzzhhhhh-vvvvvzzzzz, the robotic hand picks up an apple and throws it to one of the Russian doctors, who catches it and throws it back. Vvvvvvzzzz-zzzzhhhhhh, the soldier tries to catch the apple with his robot-hand, but drops it, smiles, and jokingly "flips the bird" to the doctors with his bionic middle finger.

The Russians are extremely impressed by the technology, and one of them (an attractive woman) says to her colleagues: "Ну как?"

The Marine blushes and says, "No, ma'am -- THAT'S the same old one I've always had!"

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Элитная команда российских врачей и учёных участвует в международной конференции в университете "КальТех", по новейшему иследованию в сферах микро-хирургии и био-электроничных связей. В показе последней техники, ученые у КальТеха работают вместе с добровольцем-ампутанта: американский солдат-пехотник, с которого правую руку до плеча сорвала бомба в Афганистане. Хирурги приставили к нему роботичную руку, будто как у Люка Скайвалкера, и мужик показывает всем, как он сумел управлять движение механической руки. Жжжжжж-вввввв-зззззз, робо-рука берет яблоко и бросит одному русскому врачу -- тот ловит его и бросит обратно пехотнику. Вввввв-щщщщ-жжжжжж, он старается ловить, а не успел, яблоко падает на пол. При чем солдат широко улыбается и в шутке показывает "фигу" робо-кулаком.

Разумеется, новая техника производит отличное впечатление на всю русскую команду, и одна из них (женщина-красавица) говорит своим сотрудникам по-русски: "Ну, как?!"

И пехотник краснеет и отвечает по-английски: "No, ma'am -- THAT'S the same old one I've always had!"

ЗЫ: The inspiration for the joke came from two sources. First (and obvious), the expression ну как...? sounds amusingly like "new cock?" to English speakers; and second, this YouTube video of an experimental robotic arm for amputees.

never thought that "ну как" could sound like that :D
new sounds more like нью...never heard it like "ну"

What's the best way to ask "Does it work in translation?" -- maybe Как получится в русском переводе?
=>Yes, that sounds fine.

Двухязычный анекдот
=> Двуязычный анекдот

Элитная команда российских врачей и учёных участвует в международной конференции в университете "КальТех", по новейшему иследованию
=>I think по новейшим исследованиям sounds better

в сферах микро-хирургии и био-электроничных
=> в области микрохирургии биоэлектронных

связей. В показе последней техники, ученые у КальТеха работают вместе с добровольцем-ампутанта:
=> ампутантом or с добровольцем - солдатом с ампутированной правой рукой (because the word ампутант does not sound natural in Russian)

американский солдат-пехотник
=> пехотинец or морпех because your English version mentions a Marine and not an Infantryman

с которого
=> у которого

правую руку до плеча сорвала бомба
=> оторвал взрыв бомбы

в Афганистане. Хирурги приставили
=> приделали

к нему роботичную
=> роботизированную or I think a better way would be механическую

руку, будто как у Люка Скайвалкера
=> как у Люка Скайвокера or better как у Вилла Смита в фильме iRobot, because Luke had only his wrist cut off with a light saber.

и мужик показывает всем, как он сумел управлять движение
=> научился управлять движением

механической руки. Жжжжжж-вввввв-зззззз, робо-рука берет яблоко и бросит
=> бросает

одному русскому врачу
=> одному из русских врачей

-- тот ловит его и бросит обратно пехотнику.
=> бросает обратно морпеху

Вввввв-щщщщ-жжжжжж, он старается ловить, а не успел, яблоко падает на пол.
=> он пытается поймать, но не успевает и яблоко падает на пол.

При чем
=> При этом

солдат широко улыбается и в шутке показывает "фигу" робо-кулаком.
=> Фигу or his middle finger? Those are two rather different gestures.

Разумеется, новая техника производит отличное
=> прекрасное even though отличное is ok too

впечатление на всю русскую команду, и одна из них
=> врачей

(женщина-красавица)
=> not sure what's wrong with it, maybe other members of this forum would say better, but I think at least it should be красивая женщина

говорит своим сотрудникам по-русски: "Ну, как?!"

И пехотник
=> морпех

краснеет и отвечает по-английски: "No, ma'am -- THAT'S the same old one I've always had!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lena.from.Russia

never thought that "ну как" could sound like that :D
new sounds more like нью...never heard it like "ну"

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In American speech, "new" often sounds like "ну", but some British people say "нью". (That's why the "hero" of the joke is a U.S. military guy -- because to many American ears, "ну" sounds exactly like "new" and "knew".)

Similarly, "do" (делать) and "dew" (роса) are pronounced as homophones (ду) by many Americans, but in the UK, "ду" means делать and "дью" means роса.

Other examples:

"duke" (герцог) -- US = дук, UK = дьюк
"tulip" (тюльпан) -- US = тулэп, UK= тьюлэп

Of course, I'm speaking in generalizations here -- thus, some British people say дук and some Americans say дьюк, etc.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Crocodile

=> ампутантом or с добровольцем - солдатом с ампутированной правой рукой (because the word ампутант does not sound natural in Russian)

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Ironically, ампутант was one of the only words that didn't come from my own head when I was writing the Russian version -- I tried to rely on my own memory and knowledge of Russian instead of using the dictionary (thus the many mistakes!) but I had absolutely no idea how to say "amputee" по-русски. So I looked up ампутация on Russian wikipedia and found the phrase "инвалид-ампутант" there.

Perhaps I could change it to say "...работают вместе с добровольцем-инвалидом. Тот -- американский морпех, у которого правую руку до плеча оторвал взрыв..." How does that sound?

Quote:

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=> как у Люка Скайвокера or better как у Вилла Смита в фильме iRobot, because Luke had only his wrist cut off with a light saber.

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Not everyone has seen "iRobot" (I haven't!). I used Luke Skywalker because he's probably the world's most famous science-fiction example of a biological human who has a robotic arm or leg. (Darth Vader and RoboCop don't count because they are "more machine than man." And Americans are familiar with Steve Austin and Jaime Sommers, the "bionic" television superheroes from the 1970s, but I figured most Russians haven't heard of them.)

Quote:

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солдат широко улыбается и в шутке показывает "фигу" робо-кулаком.
=> Фигу or his middle finger? Those are two rather different gestures.

---

I know they're different, but since I was translating the joke into Russian, I tried to "translate" the gesture, too. But now that you mention it, I guess it's better if the Marine makes the normal American gesture, since the whole point is that he doesn't understand Russian and therefore wouldn't be familiar с русским жестом, называется "фига". Would "он показывает средний робо-палец" be the correct way to say it?

But anyway, Crocodile, thanks very much for all your help with the vocabulary and grammar!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Not everyone has seen "iRobot" (I haven't!). I used Luke Skywalker because he's probably the world's most famous science-fiction example of a biological human who has a robotic arm or leg. (Darth Vader and RoboCop don't count because they are "more machine than man." And Americans are familiar with Steve Austin and Jaime Sommers, the "bionic" television superheroes from the 1970s, but I figured most Russians haven't heard of them.)

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LOL, awesome -... and until you said Luke Skywalker, I was picturing "Bionic Commando"... This is what growing up on video games has done to my brain.. :roll:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

"Ну, как?!"

И пехотник краснеет и отвечает по-английски: "No, ma'am -- THAT'S the same old one I've always had!"

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=)
Знаешь историю, когда русский мужик крикнул в израильском аэропорту "Алла, я в бар!"?
=)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Would "он показывает средний робо-палец" be the correct way to say it?

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Yes, that's fine and you're most welcome! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BappaBa

=)
Знаешь историю, когда русский мужик крикнул в израильском аэропорту "Алла, я в бар!"?
=)

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Это было не в аэропорту, а в супермаркете, мужик был из олим и в бар он не хотел, а просто потерял жену и звал ее. Правда недолго.

There's also a joke I've seen online where Федор Иванов goes to an Israeli hospital, and in the process of transliteration с кириллицы на иврит и обратно на кириллицу, his name is "mutated" to Пидор Ебанов!

I hate to ruin the joke, but they do have both "T" and "V" in the Hebrew alphabet. (I spent some time there in my teens, and learnt the alphabet - and my Word, there was like a Russian invasion there at the time! Russians everywhere - they all hated the USSR and were not particularly enamoured by Israel either... I wonder if they learnt to like it in the end, or went back to Russia, or what happened. There was this REALLY cute guy who played the guitar and had wild curly brown hair and fantastic eyes.... :angel:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hanna

I hate to ruin the joke, but they do have both "T" and "V" in the Hebrew alphabet.

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As I understand it, the joke is that the Hebrew פ can be read as either pei or fei, and thus can represent either the Пп or Фф of Cyrillic; and similarly, the Hebrew ב (bet or vet) can stand for either Бб or Вв.

By the way, after some Googling, I was able to locate the page of "funny/dirty" Hebrew-Russian misunderstandings, where I had originally seen that "Pidor Yebanov" joke. (Apparently there are quite a few Hebrew words with the syllable -хер-!)

One of the non-dirty examples is a joke about Russian tourists visiting Israel who see a cafe with a large sign that reads:

l0l0l l0l

Quite naturally, they assume that this is binary code and that it's an Internet cafe where they can send emails home. So, they go inside and are surprised to see that there are no computers. They find out that the owner speaks Russian, so they ask, "How does that computer code on your sign translate into normal language?" The guy responds, speaking Russian with a heavy Georgian accent, "Computer code?! What, can't you read Hebrew? It says Vaso and Soso!"

("Vaso" and "Soso" are stereotypical Georgian nicknames, short for "Vasil" and "Bessarion", respectively. And "Vaso and Soso" written in Hebrew indeed looks like binary numbers, especially if you use a san-serif font!)

BTW, I don't speak or read Hebrew at all, and can't even "sound it out" phonetically because I don't know the vowel-pointing -- I only know the basic consonant letters. I taught myself the Hebrew alphabet years ago when I was living in Brooklyn, and I would practice reading the letters on all the synagogues and Hebrew schools as I rode my bicycle to Coney Island and Brighton Beach! But for the most part I didn't understand any of the words.