Show me an American who says that Britons speak the same language as he does (or even a Londoner who says that about a Mancunian);show me a German who says that all the Germany speaks the same language and that a Bavarian can easily understand an "Ossi" or an inhabitant of Hamburg; show me an Italian who lives in Turin who'd say that in Naples they speak the same language as he does - can you? NO. That's what "dialects" are.
Chomsky, I think we've had a breakthrough.

But when you hear from several Russians that their language is the same in the entire territory of Russia and is everywhere perfectly understandable
Understandability has no bearing on the definition whatsoever. The definition has to do with the different categories of variation that Russian fully presents. If you must read the rather brief handling of this topic by a fellow countrywoman of yours named Natalia Gogolitsyna (and a formally trained linguist), refer to "Russian: A Guide to Contemporary Usage" pp 21-24.

- and you, without knowing a single Russian word, keep repeating to us the ideas you found in somebody else's books and convincing us that you know our language better than us - it's... marvellous, really.
Again, there is no one criteria for dialect, but understandability has no place within the criteria. Regional features aren't strong enough to make the different dialects incomprehensible, as with English, but there are dialects nonetheless. Plus, the ideas in one scholar's book are the culmination of years of reading others' books. Marvelous, huh?


Also, I never made any claim to knowing your language better than you, only that I'm (obviously) a bit more fluent in topics having to do with linguistics, which span all languages and not just the "mighty russian."


As for the "foreign professors", they really can be mistaken.
I'll be sure to refer you to Dell Philips at the University of Arizona, I'm sure a man of his stripe and experience would love to be put in the right by the inimitable Olya of anytown Russia.

By the way, who told you that I eschew russki mat, you know-it-all? I know it perfectly, and I also know when it is appropriate to use and when not. Unlike you.
I'm happy.

Well, I hope, it was serious enough for you now?
On the contrary, I found myself laughing hysterically.