Я не отдам тебя никому

Кто-то может проверить грамматические ошибки?
Большое спасибо заранее. :D

Я не отдам тебя никому
I shall not give you to anybody

Ты подойди поближе, присядь со мною рядом.
Я не могу тебя так долго ждать.
Как быстро ночь промчалась и губ слияний нежных
Мне больше никогда не испытать.

You approach closer, sit down by my side.
I can no longer wait for you.
How quickly night has fallen and of lips gently merging
not to experience with me anymore.

Ты подойди поближе, почувствуй, что я рядом,
Пойми, что никуда я не уйду.
Позволь мне насладиться твоим влюблённым взглядом.
Ну где ещё такую я найду?

You approach closer, feel, that I am near,
Understand, that I shall not go anywhere.
Let me to take pleasure in your enamorous gaze.
Well where shall I still find such?

Как мне сегодня хочется,
Только с тобою рядом быть.
Скрасить твоё одиночество,
Только тебя одну любить.

What I would like today,
Only to be beside you.
To brighten up your loneliness,
Only to love you alone.

Я прошепчу тебе ласково,
Нежной рукою обниму.
Солнышко ты моё ясное,
Я не отдам тебя никому.

I whisper to you tenderly,
I shall embrace with my gentle hand.
You are my bright sunshine,
I shall not give you to anybody.

Ты подойди поближе, поговори со мною.
Я так хочу услышать голос твой.
Я так хочу сегодня, забыть о всём с тобою.
В объятьях самой нежной и родной.

You approach closer, chat with me.
I so want to hear your voice.
I so want today, with you to forget about everything.
In embraces of the most gentle and dearest.

Ты подойди поближе, и будь сама собою.
Я не могу тебя так долго ждать.
Как быстро ночь промчалась, а нам ещё с тобою,
О многом нужно помечтать.

You approach closer, and be with ourselves.
I can no longer wait for you.
How quickly night has fallen, and we are still with each other
need to dream of many things.

From my point of view your rendering into English is basically well enough. But do you really need to translate everything so literary like "You approach..." There is no need in the pronoun.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kwatts59

Как быстро ночь промчалась
How quickly night has fallen

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How quickly the night has passed

-- Begin Thread Hijack --
Why is отдам used in the title? Whats the difference between it and дам?
-- End Thread Hijack --

Дам i give
Отдам I give away


Anyways, who would really say Approach to their GF?

Id say Ты подойди поближе just as "Come a little closer". Remember forest gump? Jenny didnt tell forest to "Approach her seat" she just said, sit here if ya want.

And Kwatts, he's right. You do have a good grasp of russian, or it seems. But everything you translate is sooo literal and almost mechanic. You can lighten it up. Like i dont know, just think Would i actually say this in english?

Quote:

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поговори со мною.
chat with me.

---

I was just discussing with a friend of mine the diffrence between chat, and chatting and chatter. I think chat is more like Болтать. Just shoot the breeze, everyday chatter. поговори in this case is talk, talk with me about important things.

I guess there might be one or two other things, but you did good for the most part. Probly the best one i have seen yet. Keep up the good work!

Thanks dogboy!
I guess all things considered,
Not bad for a first year self study student. :D