ПОСЛЕДНИЙ ТОСТ

Анна Ахматова
ПОСЛЕДНИЙ ТОСТ

Я пью за разоренный дом,
За злую жизнь мою,
За одиночество вдвоем,
И за тебя я пью,-
За ложь меня предавших губ,
За мертвый холод глаз,
За то, что мир жесток и груб,
За то, что Бог не спас.

27 июня 1934, Шереметьевский Дом

Please let me know if the following translation for the poem above is correct:

THE LAST TOAST

I drink to the ruined home,
to my wicked life,
to our shared loneliness,
and I drink to you, Ч ( what does Ч mean here? )
to the lies of the lips that betray me,
to the eyes' deadly cold,
to the fact, that the world is cruel and rough,
to the fact, that God does not redeem.

Please correct anything. Is the sense right?

Gracias.

Rafael

Just in case: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8560&p=96060&hilit=%D0%BB%D0%B E%D0%B6%D1%8C+%D0%BC%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%8F+%D0%BF%D1%8 0%D0%B5%D0%B4%D0%B0%D0%B2%D1%88%D0%B8%D1%85+%D0%B3 %D1%83%D0%B1#p96060


The Last Toast (3)
(From "The Break")

1934

I drink to home, that is lost,
To evil life of mine,
To loneness in which we’re both,
And to your future, fine, --

To lips by which I was betrayed,
To eyes that deathly cold,
To that that the world is bad and that
We were not saved by God.


Translated by Yevgeny Bonver, November, 2000
Edited by Dmitry Karshtedt, February, 2001

Thank you for your help.
Does anybody know a site where I can hear this poem recited (audio) ?

"Ч" is nothing, should not be there. It has to be just dash: "-".

Thank you very much. Great Russian poetry!

Пожалуйста.
Here. I've found it: http://music.privet.ru/community/serebr ... 166?page=2
Читает Анна Ахматова


http://music.privet.ru/community/serebr ... /104745166

All right, my translation is undergoing a metamorphosis:


THE LAST TOAST

I drink to the broken home,
to my life, most wicked ,
to our shared times alone,
and for you, I drink it,
to lies from betraying lips,
to the eyes' deadly chill,
to the fact, that the world is cruel and mean,
to the fact, that God does not redeem.

I tried to give it rythym and rhyme.

I rather think that злой here means “cruel,” not wicked.

The Yevgeny Bonver translation is a bad one. It does not flow at all in English. It does not capture emotion. Here is my first attempt at a translation that captures some of the original. Criticism is welcome.

“A Last Toast” by Anna Akhmatova

Here's to our family, now in shatters
And here's to all my cruel days
The loneliness that hardly matters
And cheers to you and all your ways
Here's to the lips that always cheated
Here's to dead eyes that cannot see
A world where justice is not meted
And cheers to God that let this be

Quote:

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Originally Posted by doninphxaz

I rather think that злой here means “cruel,” not wicked.

The Yevgeny Bonver translation is a bad one. It does not flow at all in English. It does not capture emotion. Here is my first attempt at a translation that captures some of the original. Criticism is welcome.

“A Last Toast” by Anna Akhmatova

Here's to our family, now in shatters
And here's to all my cruel days
The loneliness that hardly matters
And cheers to you and all your ways
Here's to the lips that always cheated
Here's to dead eyes that cannot see
A world where justice is not meted
And cheers to God that let this be

---

1. IMO to translate this, one first should introduce an expressed (iambic) rhythm like in the original (I especially doubt about your first line). In the original all rhymes are male (the last syllable in each line is stressed): this makes verse very energetic, especially in Russian.
2. English is more laconic than Russian but you managed to translate lines of 6-8 syllables into 8-9. This again makes verse more... relaxed, soft.

hardly matters - I do not understand this. "одиночество вдвоём" is something like an idiom now - it characterizes emotional estrangement.
I don't think there is something about justice - she does not refer to any kind of justice IMHO, just feels a pain. And drinks.

Green means I like it. Red and orange - dislike. :)

Suggestion
разорённый дом - broken hearth, ruined hearth?

And I like the last line though it is sarcastic which is not the case of Akhmatova poetry.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by it-ogo

"одиночество вдвоём" is something like an idiom now - it characterizes emotional estrangement

---

Yes, it is an idiom now. It means something like "being alone being together". When two live together, but each of them feels alone.

Thank you:

Quote:

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Оля wrote:
Yes, it is an idiom now. It means something like "being alone being together"

---

I modified my translation with your input:

THE LAST TOAST by Anna Akhmatova

I drink to a broken home,
to my life, so wicked ,
to us, near and so alone,
'tis for you, I drink it,
to the lies that lips spill,
to the eyes' deadly chill,
to the fact, the world is cruel and mean,
to the fact, that God does not redeem.

Any comments on this translation would be also welcome.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by it-ogo

And I like the last line though it is sarcastic which is not the case of Akhmatova poetry.

---

Actually, to my reading the last line in the Russian original is bitter and sarcastic. One doesn't drink to the failure of God to rescue a situation. Or have I missed the point?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by doninphxaz

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by it-ogo

And I like the last line though it is sarcastic which is not the case of Akhmatova poetry.

---

Actually, to my reading the last line in the Russian original is bitter and sarcastic. One doesn't drink to the failure of God to rescue a situation. Or have I missed the point?

---

The original is bitter but not sarcastic. Sarcasm is a kind of humor, in your line humoristic effect is made by close combination of "cheers" and bitterness. In the original there is no feeling of humor at any point, I am not sure how was that done but that is it. Hmmm... this "I drink for" is like she finally accepted the situation as completely blighted. No blame, no call to justice, no humor. And this is a "final drink" or even "ultimate drink". It is too tragic to be sarcastic if you understand what I mean. :)

In general Akhmatova is known to be humoristic and sarcastic in private life but deadly serious in her poems.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by it-ogo

The original is bitter but not sarcastic. Sarcasm is a kind of humor, in your line humoristic effect is made by close combination of "cheers" and bitterness. In the original there is no feeling of humor at any point, I am not sure how was that done but that is it. Hmmm... this "I drink for" is like she finally accepted the situation as completely blighted. No blame, no call to justice, no humor. And this is a "final drink" or even "ultimate drink". It is too tragic to be sarcastic if you understand what I mean. :)

---

+1

By the way, how does "loneliness of two" sound?
I am not a native English speaker, but I find the translation "to us, near and so alone" and "to us, together and alone" and even "To loneness in which we're both" very pallid in comparison with the original...

Quote:

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Оля wrote:


+1

By the way, how does "loneliness of two" sound?

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It sounds OK by itself but it does not rhyme with home.

I drink to a broken home,
to my life, so wicked ,
to us, near and so alone, ( одиночество вдвоем )
'tis for you, I drink it,


I do not think there is , in English, an idiom equivalent to одиночество вдвоем.... or is there?.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rafael

It sounds OK by itself but it deos not rhyme with home.

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I noticed that. I didn't mean the rhyme. It's just that those variants which rhyme with "home" are far from the original.