Reverse Translation

Hello, it's been quite a while since I've been here (2 years :o ) I started to take Russian this semester in college.
I like to write haikus in english, and I thought it would be a good way to learn vocab/grammar by translating some of my haikus into Russian.

Here is one.

"The late bird
Hurriedly flys home:
Winter is coming."

I translated this into Russian as

"Поздная птица
Летает дом торопливо:
Зима приходет."

I would appreciate it if someone (or multiple people) could correct me on this translation and let me know where I went wrong. Keep in mind I'm only in the first semester.

Thanks in advance. :D
Conor.

Winter is coming." =наступает зима


you can't say Зима приходет."

Thanks so much.

I see that наступить is advancing/coming. Is there any particular reason that it's наступает зима and not зима наступает?

Also, is the rest correct?

Thanks again,
Conor.

Поздняя птица
Торопливо летит домой:
Зима приходит.

Is it Hokku?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Орчун

Winter is coming." =наступает зима
you can't say Зима приходет."

---

We can say "зима приходит" or "приходит зима", but "наступает зима" is a little bit better, IMHO.

It's allright man.It's absurd to say зима наступает.наступает зима is cool.And as for others,I'm not sure though the first phrase seems to be ok,but the second one is most probably incorrect.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Guin

Поздняя птица
Торопливо летит домой:
Зима приходит."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Орчун

Winter is coming." =наступает зима
you can't say Зима приходет."

---

We can say "зима приходит" or "приходит зима", but "наступает зима" is a little bit better, IMHO.

---

yup that's right man but наступает зима sounds better ain't it? :wink:

Guin,

I was wondering about the corrections
Поздняя
летит
and
приходит.
Particularly the changes to и and я. I guess pretty much why they are changed. What case is it in, etc.


Yes it is hokku. :D Thanks for that correction too.

Thanks so much everyone especially for the speedy replies.
Conor.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Орчун

It's allright man.It's absurd to say зима наступает.наступает зима is cool.And as for others,I'm not sure though the first phrase seems to be ok,but the second one is most probably incorrect.

---

We can say both "зима наступает" and "наступает зима".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redmancba

Guin,

I was wondering about the corrections
Поздняя
летит
and
приходит.
Particularly the changes to и and я. I guess pretty much why they are changed. What case is it in, etc.

---

"поздняя" here is an adjective feminine nominative.

N. поздняя
G. поздней
D. поздней
A. позднюю
I. поздней
P. поздней

masculine:
N. поздний
G. позднего
D. позднему
A. позднего
I. поздним
P. позднем

"летит" present sing. from "лететь"
"лететь" means to fly in certain direction, "летать" means to fly in general or without aim.

"приходит" present sing. from "приходить"

Guin, с точки зрения хокку, ты зря вынес "торопливо" вперёд - ты сбил весь ритм. redmancba сделал прекрасный превод, за исключением орфографических ошибок.

Quote:

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We can say "зима приходит" or "приходит зима", but "наступает зима" is a little bit better, IMHO.

---

One can even say "зима идет"/"идет зима".
http://www.rambler.ru/db/megapolis/msg. ... id=9026298

"Зима идет, зиме - дорогу!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redmancba

Hello, it's been quite a while since I've been here (2 years :o ) I started to take Russian this semester in college.
I like to write haikus in english, and I thought it would be a good way to learn vocab/grammar by translating some of my haikus into Russian.

Here is one.

"The late bird
Hurriedly flys home:
Winter is coming."

I translated this into Russian as

"Поздная птица
Летает дом торопливо:
Зима приходет."

I would appreciate it if someone (or multiple people) could correct me on this translation and let me know where I went wrong. Keep in mind I'm only in the first semester.

Thanks in advance. :D
Conor.

---

To start with, Hurriedly flies (not flys) home

Now, here is my version:

Запоздалая птица
поспешно (or, торопливо) летит домой:
зима подходит