Recording myself with my costume - need help with grammar

Check if what I wrote in Russian is correct, please. No need to translate the English text to Russian :)

It's a text for my cyborg female costume. She's going through an interrogation here by an American.
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What's your name?

Зоя: Я модель ЗО-12. Обороняющая, обезоруживающая и освобождающая. В бою, меня зовут Зоя.

Where are you from ?

Зоя: СССР.

The soviet union does no longer exist.

Зоя: невозможное высказывание

What is your goal?

Зоя: Защищать СССР.

I don't think your software is updated. Who made you?

Зоя: Это секретная информация. Вам нужен пароль.

What do you want?

Зоя:
Защищать СССР. Убивать немцев. Убивать американских шпионов. Вести великий СССР к славе! Я - избавитель СССР. Я - надежда людей.

what's your "fighting record"?

Зоя: Я убила 253 немцев, ранила 34. Уничтожила 5 танков: 3 Пантеры IV, 2 Тигра II.

How old are you? How long have you been functioning?

A: Это секретная информация. Вам нужен пароль.

FBI male: Where are we supposed to know the password from?

Зоя: Вам нужен пароль.

Let's see... your password is: Да здравствует коммунизм!

Зоя: доступ запрещен. 2 попытки оставят

How about - Ленин великий нам путь озарил

Зоя: доступ запрещен. 1 попытка оставит

FBI male: This is hopeleses... get me every possible soviet slogan and codeword you can find.

END FIRST SCENE



((( THE CORRECT PASSWORD - ни шагу назад! ))

Зоя: Я модель ЗО-12. Обороняющая, обезоруживающая и освобождение . В бою – Can you give the English version of this?
Зоя: невозможное высказывание – Can you give the English version of this?
Зоя: Вам нужен пароль.
Зоя: Защищать СССР. – It’s good, only spelling should be corrected.
Вести великий СССР на славу! - Can you give the English version of this? It can be Вести великий СССР к славе.
Я избавитель СССР. - Can you give the English version of this?
Зоя: Я убила 253 немцев, ушибла 34. Уничтожила 5 танков. 3 Панзер IV, 2 Тигр II. – Я убила двести пятьдесят три немца, ранила тридцать четыре. Уничтожила пять танков: три Панцера и два Тигра. Can those Roman numbers be omitted? It sounds bad with them.
A: секретная информация. – Это секретная информация.
Надо пароль. – Вам нужен пароль.
Зоя: Надо пароль. – Нужен пароль.
Зоя: Доступ запрещен.
2 попытки оставят – Осталось две попытки.
Зоя: доступ запрещен.
1 попытка оставит – Осталась одна попытка.

If I would only need a password to pick up a girl :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Valda

FBI male: This is hopeless... get me every possible soviet slogan and codeword you can find.

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The FBI dude should've asked for "a list of every possible Russian obscenity you can find."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Valda

((( THE CORRECT PASSWORD - ни шагу назад! ))

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And I would've guessed something more like "Гитлер -- п*дор"! ;-)

P.S. I think невозможное высказывание was intended to translate "Impossible statement," but I would suggest that what Valda really wants here is an appropriately "pseudo-technical" Russian translation of:

"DOES NOT COMPUTE!"
"DOES NOT COMPUTE!"
"DOES NOT COMPUTE!"
"DOES NOT COMPUTE!"

(Because "Does not compute!" or "Illogical, unable to compute!" was such a шаблон in older English-language sci-fi about robots and cyborgs -- along with faster-than-light spaceships that used punch-card computers! And see also: "I know not this concept 'Love' of which you speak, Earth-Man...")

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Doomer

If I would only need a password to pick up a girl :)

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Aren't you a native Russian speaker living in the U.S.? You probably have an accent, and that's all you really need... ;)

Thank you guys :) Paul already helped me in the chat shortly after I posted it.

Helen -

Quote:

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Зоя: Я модель ЗО-12. Обороняющая, обезоруживающая и освобождение . В бою – Can you give the English version of this?

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I'm model 3O12. Defense, Disarm, and Liberation. In battle I'm called Zoya.

Quote:

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Зоя: невозможное высказывание – Can you give the English version of this?

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Impossible Statement

Quote:

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Зоя: Вам нужен пароль.
Зоя: Защищать СССР. – It’s good, only spelling should be corrected.
Вести великий СССР на славу! - Can you give the English version of this? It can be Вести великий СССР к славе.

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To defend USSR, lead the great USSR to glory!

Quote:

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Я избавитель СССР. - Can you give the English version of this?

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I'm the liberator of USSR

Quote:

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Зоя: Я убила 253 немцев, ушибла 34. Уничтожила 5 танков. 3 Панзер IV, 2 Тигр II. – Я убила двести пятьдесят три немца, ранила тридцать четыре. Уничтожила пять танков: три Панцера и два Тигра. Can those Roman numbers be omitted? It sounds bad with them.

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Yes, in the clip I just pronounce those numbers in Russian :)



Well anyway, it was all just for fun... At the end I didn't do what I planned... I just tried to practice the phrases...it was very hard to pronounce. I gave up relatively early but made this mish-mash

3О12 - Зоя: Представление - YouTube

Sounds hilarious. Providing your ciborg is such warlike creature, she may join Barmaley Ltd with headquarters in Mogadishu to take much more American hostages. There’re inordinately munificent at the moment and offer up to 14.65 % of the amount of ransom for the head of each hostage, including VAT. Here is their official promotional recruiting trailer
Детям. Айболит. Бармалей. Врунгель. - YouTube

PS: You might want to learn new words with sounds. In the case your chance of avoiding such hard to relearn slips as тайгер instead of тигр is much higher.

Here is what I meant to post. Lampada, deleate the previous rubbish please.

Really woodoo! This thread I mean. I can't change anything in my previous posts)))) Everything disappears for me at once.))))

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Valda

Пожалуйста исправляйте мою грамматику.

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-> Исправляйте, пожалуйста, мою грамматику. It sounds better :)