... And all anyone wants to write back to them is more of the same?

What's up with that?

I suggest we have a Russian love fest. Everybody write your favorite sweet nothingness (or somethingness), and we'll have a mother of all phrasebooks.

I'll start:

Солнце мое, когда, ну когда же ты наконец приедешь ко мне со своими взрослыми детьми и, получив зеленую карту, наставишь мне рога и бросишь? Мне так тебя не хватает! / Sun of mine, when oh when will you come to live with me with your grown up children and, having secured a green card, cheat on me and leave me? How I miss you!