Quote Originally Posted by Paul G. View Post
Mine is more literal, if you want to know the difference.
I do respect near translations. I must admit that mine is less literal and I had some reasons for that.

1. I suppose that Deb only wrote the scenario and she wasn’t the cameraman. That’s why I left the word scenario out. I did it for the sake of simplicity and compactness. I’m ready to correct my version if she was the one who personally was operating the camera.

2. I doubt that there is such a notion as "поздний СССР". I suppose that Deb used the word "old" meaning "former". I’m also ready to do the correction if that was not her meaning.

3. I think that "вышел в эфир" sounds a bit too pompous for a one minute commercial. For me, the expression is more appropriate for bigger projects such as programs or concerts. That’s why I also used the word "крутили" supposing that the video was aired not once, but many times as it is usually is with commercials.

4. I also think that explaining the content of the video to those who don’t know Russian in the Russian language doesn’t make much sense. That’s why I left out "For those who don't know Russian". Though it could make more sense if I have put it like, "For those who don’t know Russian well", but it was not the original meaning.

5. I called the product "прибор" because "изделие" sounds too formal for me in this context. Besides, the word "изделие" is too general and doesn’t specify INTA adequately. Women’s stockings, vodka and barrels can be called "изделие", too. That’s why I chose to specify the device calling it "прибор". The more so on hearing your "изделие" I immediately remembered the soviet time cliché "изделие №2" that meant "a condom". As it is well known a gas respirator was called "изделие №1".

6. I took it for granted that the device was designed for locating pressure points on people and not on animals. That’s why I omitted "on people".

7. I consider the word "убираться" instead of "убирать" to be old fashioned.

8. I omitted the word "сидел" just to make the translation more compact. It doesn’t add anything to the text in the terms of content or style.

9. I used the word "кричит" in order to explain the cat’s behaviour. The woman’s being only "раздосадована" wouldn’t affect the cat in any way let alone the fact this word doesn’t correspond to the original meaning "mad".

10. "А еще" sounds too colloquial for me in this context. That’s why I used "К тому же".

11. On the contrary I chose to use а simpler and more common expession "у нее болит голова" instead of "у нее головная боль" which makes me feel I’m reading a medical history.

12. Her husband was obviously not the cleverest ("умнейший") of all husbands. If he were the one he wouldn’t make his wife suffer from the injustice. That’s why I described him with the word "умный". The more that corresponds more to Deb’s meaning.

13. Do you really think her husband was a gentleman? Perhaps he was, but I personally can’t see that. He only had enough conscience to try healing her headache, nothing more reveals a gentleman in him. That’s why I use "как подобает джентльмену". It sounds ironically and corresponds to the original meaning.

14. He didn’t "схватил" (catch) the device. He took it pretty delicately.

15. When I hear the word "нежный" as a description of a massage I always imagine something erotic. I can’t see nothing of that kind on the screen. He might have proceeded with that but the video makes no hint at that. Though, possibly, you are calling the massage "нежный" just because he didn’t hurt her applying the device to her face?
I always translate very close to the original.
I doubt it’s always best.

I do realize that this explanation of my version may seem too punctilious. Yet I pray to God almighty that it won’t seem way excessively detailed to the moderator in order not to be criticized for that. I dare think it has much to do with learning foreign languages and I do hope that it won’t scare people from learning Russian.