Thread: Мое мыло

I am writing an email to a guy that works at a company in vyborg. the company suppesdly runs a webcamera that has been up for many years, and one of my goals when i go to russia is to have someone in my family take a screenshot of me on the internet, infront of the camera.
Following is the letter i originally wrote. Then i had a friend correct it. I will post both versions... Even though i have a revised version, i would like someone to go over my orginal version, and show me exaclty where my mistakes are, because i cannot learn soley from comparing the two.
~ My version.

Привет ! Я человек из америки и через один год, я планирую поехать в петербург в гости. Я просто хочу знать вы не тот ли самый человек который владеет вэбкамерой ? Если да, вы знаете ли, через один год ваша вебкамера ещё работает ? Я давно на его посмотрел, и очень хочу увидеть и его снять. конечно планирую видеть ваш город, выборг. Ладно, думаю это всё, спасибо.
(Извините, я сам выучил на русском языке, надеюсь что много ошибок, я не сделал.)

~Матт.


The corrected version.


здравствуй! Я живу в Америке и планирую поехать через год в Петербург в гости. Я просто хочу узнать есть ли у вас вэб-камера? Если есть, то будет ли она всё еще работать через год?
Я недавно видел Петербург и мне очень хотелось бы заснять его.
Конечно планирую увидеть ваш город Выборг. Ладно, думаю это всё, спасибо.
(Извините, я сам учил русский язык, и недеюсь много ошибок я не сделал).

I don't think i made any grammatical mistakes. I think my big problem in russian now is knowing which words to use. I think, i sound broken when talkign russian. So, if someone could just tell me, why my word choice was bad, where, and why. I would love you... thanks!

it was corrected into something else, but whenever you ask, vi znaete, (do you know) you have to ask it in the negative. naprimer, vi ne znaete kak dobratza v pochty. in your example, vi ne znaete li, kamera bydet pabotat (you need bydet here, future tense+imp inf verb)

Some remarks and corrections:
1) If you address him as "вы" it's better to use "Здравствуйте"
2)

Originally Posted by Dogboy182

Я человек из америки и через один год, я планирую поехать в петербург в гости.

Originally Posted by Dogboy's friend

Я живу в Америке и планирую поехать через год в Петербург в гости.

--1. "через один год" In such expressions "один" is usually omitted (через день, через месяц)
--2. When there's a sentence with two predicates (especially if they are in the same tense) and only one subject it usually sounds awkward when the subject is used twice.
3)

Originally Posted by Dogboy182

Я просто хочу знать вы не тот ли самый человек который владеет вэбкамерой?

Originally Posted by Dogboy's friend

Я просто хочу узнать есть ли у вас вэб-камера?

The first sentence I'd translate into English the following way: "I'd just like to know if you are that man who owns the camera." and the second "I'd just like to know if you have a camera". If I didn't want to change the meaning of your original sentence I would have written it the following way: Я просто хочу знать(узнать) не тот ли вы самый человек у которого есть вэбкамера. владеть is too official here.
Personally I think that your friend's version is more suitable here.
4)

Originally Posted by Dogboy182

Я давно на его посмотрел, и очень хочу увидеть и его снять.

Originally Posted by Dogboy's friend

Я недавно видел Петербург и мне очень хотелось бы заснять его.

I think your friend got you wrong here (or I did ). He understood it that you'd like to take pictures of St. Petersburg with that camera. Did you mean that you've seen that camera long ago and wanted to look at it and to take pictures? If yes then I'd translate it as Я уже давно её видел и очень хочу увидеть её вблизи и ей поснимать.
Hope that will be of some help.
And yes, if I were you I'd transliterate your name as Мэтт , but of course it's up to you.

I just wanted to correct one word in the last sentense...

It's not недеюсь it's нaдеюсь

That was a typo then, i meant "нaдеюсь".

Oh, and about the camera taking pictures thing. i guess, now that i think about it, it doesn't make much sense... i want to take a picture of the camera, from the street. anyways. i'll take the advice, from both letters, and post a final copy, eh ? tell me how it looks. and yes, i don't know how he got "Я недавно видел Петербург и мне очень хотелось бы заснять его." from the original line, i think maybe he did get me wrong, but he was the russian, so i went with it.

oh yea, my original question was... Did my letter even make enough sense for a russian person to read ? or, understand ? ... er wahtever ?

I think you're asking about your original copy...It made sense when I read it, I just wasn't sure what it is exactly that you want to do with the camera from what your wrote. But other than that it was pretty clear...

Originally Posted by Dogboy182

...i want to take a picture of the camera...

Originally Posted by Friendy

Я уже давно её видел и очень хочу увидеть её вблизи и ей поснимать.

Then I was wrong too, I thought that you wanted to take pictures with that camera and not of it. In that case instead of "ей поснимать" it should be "её сфотографировать(or снять)".

Frankly speaking, the letter doesn't happen to make much sense. It would be far better if you gave the english variant you had in mind while writing this passage.
However, the idea that i got from it is sth like that:
Здравствуйте.
Я живу в Америке, и через год я планирую съездить в Петербург. Не могли бы Вы сообщить, не вы ли тот человек, который владеет веб-камерой (the thing is that the person should know, what PARTICULAR web-cam you mean. I think in english you would write "the web-cam".). Если да, будет ли она все еще работать через год? Я (let's develop the idea a bit. You couldn't have seen the cam itself, could you? I think it is it's footage that you mean... Or the web-site it transfers the image to, so...) был на Вашем сайте, и мне бы очень хотелось посмотреть, как вы работаете и самому посниматься. А еще я хочу побывать в Вашем городе, Выборге.
Заранее спасибо. Надеюсь на скорейший ответ.
С уважением .... (Your name)
I omitted the "i-learned-russian-myself" passage, for there would be nothing to be sorry about if you send this version. The last two lines do not correspond to what you wrote, but still, they are a better ending for a letter to a person you are not aquainted with.